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201-250
201 I want to hide myself so that no creature might know my heart. Jesus, You alone know
my heart and possess it whole and entire. No one knows our secret. We understand
each other mutually with one look. From the moment we came to know each other I have
been happy. Your greatness is my fullness. O Jesus, when I am in the last place, lower
than the postulants, even the youngest of them, then I feel that I am in my proper place. I
did not know that the Lord had put so much happiness in these drab little corners. Now I
understand that even in prison there can burst forth from a pure heart the fullness of love
for You, O Lord! External things mean nothing to pure love; it cuts through them all.
Neither prison doors nor the gates of heaven are strong enough to stop it. It reaches God
Himself, and nothing can quench it. It knows no obstacles; it is free like a queen and has
free access to all places. Death itself must bow its head before it…….
202 My sister [Wanda 65] came to see me today. When she told me of her plans, I was horror-stricken. How is such a thing possible? Such a beautiful little soul before the Lord, and
yet, great darkness had come over her, and she did not know how to help herself. She
had a dark view of everything. The good God entrusted her to my care, and for two
weeks I was able to work with her. But how many sacrifices this soul cost me is known
only to God. For no other soul did I bring so many sacrifices and sufferings and prayers
before the throne of God as I did for her soul. (98) I felt that I had forced God to grant
her grace. When I reflect on all this, I see that it was truly a miracle. Now I can see how
much power intercessory prayer has before God.
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203 Now, during this Lent, I often experience the Passion of the Lord Jesus in my own body. I
experience deeply in my heart all that Jesus suffered, although no exterior sign betrays
these sufferings of mine. Only my confessor knows about them.
204 A short conversation with Mother Directress [Margaret]. When I asked her about some
particulars concerning progress in the spiritual life, this holy Mother answered everything
with great clarity. She said to me, “If you continue cooperating with God‟s grace in this
way, Sister, you will be only one step away from close union with God. You understand
what I mean by this. This means that your characteristic trait should be faithfulness to the
grace of the Lord, God does not lead all souls along such a path.”
205 + The Resurrection. Today, during the [Mass of the] Resurrection, I saw the Lord Jesus
in the midst of a great light. He approached me and said, Peace be to you, My children,
and He lifted up His hand and gave His blessing. The wounds in His hands, feet and side
were indelible and shining. When he looked at me with such kindness and love, my
whole soul drowned itself in Him. And he said to me, You have taken a great part in My Passion; therefore I now give you a great share in My joy and glory. The whole time
of the Resurrection [Mass] seemed like only a minute to me. A wondrous recollection
filled my soul and lasted throughout the whole festal season. The kindness of Jesus is so
great that I cannot express it.
206 (99) The next day, after Communion, I heard the voice saying, My daughter, look into the abyss of My mercy and give praise and glory to this mercy of Mine. Do it in this way: Gather all sinners from the entire world and immerse them in the abyss of My mercy. I want to give Myself to souls; I yearn for souls, My daughter. On the day ofMy feast, the Feast of Mercy, you will go through the whole world and bring fainting souls to the spring of My mercy. I shall heal and strengthen them.
207 I prayed today for a soul in agony, who was dying without the Holy Sacraments, although
she desired them. But it was already too late. It was a relative of mine, my uncle‟s wife.
She was a soul pleasing to god. There was no distance between us at that moment.
208 O you small, everyday sacrifices, you are to me like wild flowers which I strew over the
feet of my beloved Jesus. I sometimes compare these trifles to the heroic virtues and that
is because their enduring nature demands heroism.
209 In my sufferings, I do not seek help from creatures, but God is everything to me. And yet,
it often seems that even the Lord does not hear me. I arm myself with patience and
silence, like a dove that does not complain and feels no bitterness when its children are
being taken away from it. I want to soar into the very heat of the sun, and I do not want to
stop in its vapors. I will not grow weary, because it is on You that I am leaning – O You,
my Strength!
210 I fervently beg the Lord to strengthen my faith, so that in my drab, everyday life I will not
be guided by human dispositions, but by those of the spirit. Oh, how everything drags
man towards the earth! But lively faith maintains the soul in the higher regions and
assigns self-love its proper place; that is to say, the lowest one.
211 (100) + Once again, a terrible darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I am
falling prey to illusions. When I went to confession to obtain some light and peace, I did
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not find these at all. The confessor66 left me with even more doubts than I had before.
He said to me, “I cannot discern what power is at work in you, Sister, perhaps it is God
and perhaps it is the evil spirit.” When I left the confessional, I started to think about his
words. The longer I did so, the deeper my soul sank into darkness. “Jesus, what am I to
do?” When Jesus approached me with kindness, I was frightened, “Are you really
Jesus?” On the one hand, I am drawn by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I
cannot describe it!
212 When I went to confession again, I got the answer, “I do not understand you Sister. It
would be better if you did not come to me for confession.” O my God!. I have to do such
violence to myself before I say anything about my spiritual life, and here I am getting this
answer: “Sister, I do not understand you!”
213 When I left the confessional, a multitude of torments oppressed me. I went before the
Blessed Sacrament and said, “Jesus, save me; You see how weak I am!” Then I heard
these words, I will give you help during the retreat before the vows. Encouraged by
these words, I began to go forward without asking anyone‟s advice. But I distrusted
myself so much that I made up my mind to put an end to the doubts once and for all. I
therefore looked forward with special eagerness to the retreat before perpetual vows. But
even for many days before the retreat, I kept on asking God to give light to the priest who
would hear my confession, so that he could say, once and for all, either yes or no. And I
thought to myself, “I‟ll be set at peace once and for all.” But I continued to worry whether
anyone would be willing to hear me out concerning all these matters. And yet again, I
decided not to think about all this and to put my trust in the Lord. The words that
continued to ring in my ears were: “during the retreat.”
214 (101 ) Everything is now ready. Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Cracow, for the
retreat. Today I entered the chapel to thank the Lord for the countless graces He has
bestowed on me during these five months. My heart was deeply touched at the thought
of so many graces and so much care on the part of the superiors.
215 My daughter, be at peace; I am taking all these matters upon Myself. I will arrange all things with your superiors and with the confessor. Speak to father Andrasz with the same simplicity and confidence with which you speak to Me.
216 We have come to Cracow today [April 18, 1933]. What a joy it is to find myself again
where I took my first steps in the spiritual life! Dear Mother Directress [Mary Joseph] is
ever the same, cheerful and full of love of neighbor. I entered the chapel for a moment
and joy filled my soul. In a flash I recalled the whole ocean of graces that had been given
me as a novice here.
217 And today we gathered together to go for an hour‟s visit to the novitiate. The Mother
Directress, Mary Joseph, gave us a short talk and outlined the program of the retreat. As
she spoke these few words to us, I saw before my eyes all the good things this dear
Mother had done for us. I felt in my soul such a profound gratitude toward her. My heart
grieved at the thought that this was the last time I would be in the novitiate. Now I must
battle together with Jesus, work with Jesus, suffer with Jesus; in a word, live and die with
Jesus. Mother Directress will no longer be at my heels to teach me here, warn me there,
or to admonish, encourage or reproach me. I am so afraid of being on my own. Jesus,
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do something about this. I will always have a superior, that‟s true; but now a person is left
more on her own.
(102) Cracow, April 21, 1933
+ For the Greater Glory of God
The Eight-day Retreat before Perpetual Vows.
218 I am beginning the retreat today, Jesus, my Master, guide me. Govern me according to
Your will, purify my love that it may be worthy of You, do with me as Your most merciful
Heart desires. Jesus, there will be just the two of us during these days until the moment
of our union. Keep me, Jesus, in a recollected spirit!
219 In the evening, the Lord said to me, My daughter, let nothing frighten or disconcert you. Remain deeply at peace. Everything is in My hands. I will give you to understand everything through Father Andrasz. Be like a child towards him.
A Moment Before the Blessed Sacrament.
220 O my eternal Lord and Creator, how am I going to thank You for this great favor; namely,
that You have deigned to choose miserable me to be Your betrothed and that You are to
unite me to Yourself in an eternal bond? O dearest Treasure of my heart, I offer You all
the adoration and thanksgiving of the Saints and of all the choirs of Angels, and I united
myself in a special way with Your Mother. O Mary, my Mother, I humbly beg of You,
cover my soul with Your virginal cloak at this very important moment of my life, so that
thus I may become dearer to Your Son and may worthily praise Your Son‟s mercy before
the whole world and throughout all eternity.
221 (103) I could not understand the meditation today,. My spirit was so extraordinarily
immersed in God. I could not force myself to think about what the priest was saying
during the retreat [conferences]. I am often unable to think according to the points; my
spirit is with the Lord, and that is my meditation.
222 A few words from my conference with Mother Directress, Mary Joseph. She clarified
many things for me, and she set me at peace as regards my spiritual life, reassuring me
that I was on the right path. I thanked the Lord Jesus for this great favor, for she is the
first of the superiors who did not cause me any doubts in this regard. Oh, how infinitely
good god is!
223 O living Host, my one and only strength, fountain of love and mercy, embrace the whole
world, fortify faint souls. Oh, blessed by the instant and the moment when Jesus left us
His most merciful Heart!
224 To suffer without complaining, to bring comfort to others and to drown my own sufferings
in the most Sacred Heart of Jesus!
I will spend all my free moments at the feet of [Our Lord in] the Blessed Sacrament. At
the feet of Jesus, I will seek light, comfort and strength. I will show my gratitude
unceasingly to God for His great mercy towards me, never forgetting the favors He has
bestowed on me, especially the grace of a vocation.
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I will hide myself among the sisters like a little violet among lilies. I want to blossom for
my Lord and Maker, to forget about myself, to empty myself totally for the sake of
immortal souls – this is my delight.(104) + A few of my thoughts.
225 As regards Holy Confession, I shall choose what costs and humiliates me most.
Sometimes a trifle costs more than something greater. I will call to mind the Passion of
Jesus at each confession, to arouse my heart to contrition. Insofar as possible, with the
grace of God, I will always practice perfect contrition. I will devote more time to this
contrition. Before I approach the confessional, I shall first enter the open and most
merciful Heart of the Savior. When I leave the confessional, I shall rouse in my soul great
gratitude to the Holy Trinity for this wonderful and inconceivable miracle of mercy that is
wrought in my soul. And the more miserable my soul is, the more I feel the ocean of
God‟s mercy engulfing me and giving me strength and great power.
226 The rules that I most often fail to obey: sometimes I break silence; disobedience to the
signal of the bell; sometimes I meddle in other people‟s affairs. I will do my very best to
improve.
I will avoid sisters who grumble, and if they cannot be avoided, I will at least keep silent
before them, thus letting them know how sorry I am to hear such things.
I must take no heed of the opinion of others, but obey the evidence of my own conscience
and take God to be the witness of all my actions. I must do everything and act in all
matters now as I would like to do and act at the hour of my death. For this reason, in
every action I must be mindful of God.
Avoid presumed permissions, 67 I must report [even] small things to my superiors, and do
so in as much detail as is possible. I must be faithful in my spiritual exercises; I must not
easily ask to be dispensed from them. I must keep silence outside the time of recreation,
and avoid jokes and witty words that make others laugh and break silence. I must have
great appreciation (105) for even the most minute rules. I must not let myself become
absorbed in the whirl of work, [but] take a break to look up to heaven. Speak little with
people, but a good deal with God. Avoid familiarity. I must pay little attention as to who is
for me and who is against me. I must not tell others about those things I have had to put
up with. I must avoid speaking out loud to others during work. I must maintain peace and
equanimity during times of suffering. In difficult moments, I must take refuge in the
wounds of Jesus; I must seek consolation, comfort, light and affirmation in the wounds of
Jesus.
227 +In the midst of trials I will try to see the loving hand of God. Nothing is as constant as
suffering – it always faithfully keeps the soul company. O Jesus, I will let no one surpass
me in loving You!
+ O Jesus, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament,
228 You see that in pronouncing my perpetual vows I am leaving the novitiate 68 today. Jesus,
You know how weak and little I am, and so from today on, I am entering Your novitiate in
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a very special way. I continue to be a novice, but Your novice, Jesus, and You will be my
Master to the last day. Daily I will attend lectures at Your feet. I will not do the least thing
by myself, without consulting You first as my Master. Jesus, how happy I am that You
Yourself have drawn me and taken me into Your novitiate; that is to say, into the
tabernacle. In making my perpetual vows, I have by no means become a perfect nun.
No, no! I am still a weak little novice of Jesus, and I must strive to acquire perfection as I
did in the first days of the novitiate, and I will make every effort to keep the same
disposition of soul which I had on that first day the convent gate opened to admit me.
With the trust and simplicity of a small child, I give myself to You today, O Lord Jesus, my
Master. I leave You complete freedom in directing my soul. Guide me along the paths
You wish. I won‟t question them. I will follow You trustingly. Your merciful Heart can do
all things!
The little novice of Jesus – Sister Faustina.
229 (