1601 The Lord has given me to know how much He desires the perfection of chosen souls. Chosen souls are, in My hand, lights which I cast into the darkness of the world and with which I illumine it. As stars illumine the night, so chosen souls (6) illumine the earth. And the more perfect a soul is, the stronger and the more far-reaching is the light shed by it. It can be hidden and unknown, even to those closest to it, and yet its holiness is reflected in souls even to the most distant extremities of the world. 1602 Today the Lord said to me, Daughter, when you go to confession, to this fountain of My mercy, the Blood and Water which came forth from My Heart always flows down upon 353 your soul and ennobles it. Every time you go to confession, immerse yourself entirely in My mercy, with great trust, so that I may pour the bounty of My grace upon your soul. When you approach the confessional, know this, that I Myself am waiting there for you. I am only hidden by the priest, but I Myself act in your soul. Here the misery of the soul meets the God of mercy. Tell souls that from this fount of mercy (7) souls draw graces solely with the vessel of trust. If their trust is great, there is no limit to My generosity. The torrents of grace inundate humble souls. The proud remain always in poverty and misery, because My grace turns away from them to humble souls. 1603 February 14, [1938]. During adoration, I heard these words: Pray for one of the students who has great need of My grace. And I recognized N. I prayed hard, and God‟s mercy embraced that soul. 1604 When, during adoration, I repeated the prayer, “Holy God” several times, a vivid presence of God suddenly swept over me, and I was caught up in spirit before the majesty of God. I saw how the Angels and the Saints of the Lord give glory to God. The glory of God is so great that I dare not try to describe it, because I would not be able to do so, and souls might think that what I have written (8) is all there is. Saint Paul, I understand now why you did not want to describe heaven, but only said that eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man what God has prepared for those who love Him [cf. I Cor. 2:9; 2 Cor. 12:1 - 7]. Yes, that is indeed so. And all that has come forth from God returns to Him in the same way and gives Him perfect glory. Now I have seen the way in which I adore God; oh, how miserable it is! And what a tiny drop it is in comparison to that perfect heavenly glory. O my God, how good You are to accept my praise as well, and to turn Your Face to me with kindness and let us know that our prayer is pleasing to You. 1605 Write down everything that occurs to you regarding My goodness. I answered, “What do You mean, Lord, what if I write too much?” And the Lord replied, My daughter, even if you were to speak at one and the same time in all human and angelic tongues, even then you would not have said very much, but on the contrary, you would have sung in only a small measure the praises (9) of My goodness of My unfathomable mercy. O my Jesus, You Yourself must put words into my mouth, that I may praise You worthily. My daughter, be at peace; do as I tell you. Your thoughts are united to My thoughts, so write whatever comes to your mind. You are the secretary of My mercy. I have chosen you for that office in this life and the next life. That is how I want it to be in spite of all the opposition they will give you. Know that My choice will not change. At that moment I steeped myself in profound humility before God‟s majesty. But the more I humbled myself, the more God‟s presence penetrated me….. 1606 O Jesus, my only solace! How frightful is this exile! How terrible this wilderness I have to cross! My soul is struggling through a terrible thicket of all kinds of difficulties. If You Yourself did not support me, Lord, there would be no thought of my moving forward. 1607 (10) 16 [February] 1938. As I was praying to the living Heart of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament for the intention of a certain priest, Jesus suddenly gave me knowledge of His goodness and said to me, I will give him nothing that is beyond his strength. 354 1608 + When I learned of some sufferings and troubles that a certain person 236 was going through in connection with this whole work of God, I asked the Lord Jesus before Holy Communion that He might make known to me whether by any chance these sufferings were not caused by me: “My sweetest Jesus, I implore You by Your infinite goodness and mercy, make known to me whether anything in this matter displeases You or whether there is some fault of mine in this. If there is, I ask You, when You enter my heart, fill it with unrest and make known to me Your displeasure. And if I am not guilty in this matter, confirm me in peace.” When I received the Lord, my soul was filled with great peace, and the Lord gave me to know that the work was undergoing a trial, but (11) was no less pleasing to God because of this. I felt great joy at this but I redoubled my prayers so that this work might come through the ordeal unharmed. 1609 O my Jesus, how good it is to be on the cross, but with You! With You, my Love, my soul is constantly stretched out on the cross and is being filled with bitterness. Vinegar and gall touch my lips, but it is good that it is so, because Your Divine Heart was filled with bitterness throughout Your life, and in return for Your love You received ingratitude. You were in such pain that a sorrowful complaint escaped Your lips when You said that You were looking for someone to console You and You found none [cf. Ps. 68:21]. 1610 + When I asked the Lord to be so good as to cast a glance upon a certain soul [probably Father Sopocko] who was struggling alone against many difficulties, the Lord gave me to know, in an instant, that all people are as dust under His feet. So do not worry; you see that they cannot do a thing of themselves. And if I allow them to seem to triumph, I do this for the sake of My (12) impenetrable decrees. I experienced great peace in seeing how all things are determined by the Lord. 1611 + When the chaplain [Father Theodore] brings me the Lord Jesus, there are moments when I am pervaded with a very vivid presence of God, and the Lord gives me to know His holiness. At such times, I see the smallest speck on my soul, and I would like to purify my soul before every Holy Communion. When I asked the confessor, he said there was no need to confess before every Holy Communion. Holy Communion takes away these tiny things and it is a temptation to think about confession when receiving Holy Communion. I did not go on to explain the condition of my soul in any greater detail, because he was not my director, but the confessor.237 This knowledge does not take up my time, because it is faster than lightning; it enkindles my love, leaving me with a knowledge of myself…. 1612 (13) + February 20, [1938]. Today the Lord said to me, I have need of your sufferings to rescue souls. O my Jesus, do with me as You please. I did not have the courage to ask the Lord Jesus for greater sufferings, because I had suffered so much the night before that I would not have been able to hear a drop more than what Jesus Himself gave me. 1613 Almost all night I had such violent pains that it seemed all my intestines were torn to pieces. I threw up the medicine I had taken. When I bowed my head down to the ground, I lost consciousness, and I stayed like that for some time, with my head (14) on the floor. When I came to, I became aware that my whole body was pressing on my head and face, and that I was covered with vomit. I thought it would be the end of me. Dear Mother Superior [Irene] and Sister Tarcisia238 were trying to help me as best they could. Jesus demanded suffering, 355 but not death. O my Jesus, do with me as You please. Only give me strength to suffer. Since Your strength supports me, I shall bear everything. O souls, how I love you! 1614 Today, one of the sisters [probably Sister Amelia239] came to see me and said, “Sister, I have a strange feeling, as though something were telling me to come to you and commend to you certain problems of mine before you die, and that perhaps you will able to beseech the Lord Jesus and arrange these things for me. Something keeps telling me that you will be able to obtain this for me.” I answered her with equal frankness that, yes, I felt in my soul that (15) after my death I would be able to obtain more from the Lord Jesus than at the present time. “I will remember you, Sister, before His throne.” 1615 When I entered the neighboring dormitory to visit the sisters who were ill, one of them said to me, “Sister, when you die I will not fear you at all. Come to see me after you die, because I want to confide to you a secret concerning my soul, something I want you to settle for me with the Lord Jesus. I know you can obtain this from Him.” Because she was speaking in public I answered her in this way: “The Lord Jesus is very discreet. And so He never betrays to anyone a secret that is between Him and a soul.” 1616 + O my Lord, thank You for conforming me to Yourself through immolation. I see that this earthly vessel is beginning to crumble. I rejoice in this, (16) because soon I will be in my Father's house [cf. Jn. 14:2]. 1617 February 27, [1938]. Today, I went to confession to Father An. [Andrasz] I did as Jesus wanted. After confession, a surge of light filled my soul. Then I heard a voice: Because you are a child, you shall remain close to My Heart. Your simplicity is more pleasing to Me than your mortifications. 1618 Father An. [Andrasz‟s] words: Live more by faith. Pray that the Divine Mercy become more widely known, and that the work may come into good hands that will manage it well. As for yourself, try to be a good religious here – although things may turn out that way also – but try to be a good religious right here. And now, if you feel those urgings from the Lord and recognize that it is He, follow them. Devote to prayer all the time that is set apart for it, and make your notations afterwards…….. 1619 (17) + The last two days of carnival. 240 My physical sufferings have intensified. I am uniting myself more closely with the suffering Savior, asking Him for mercy for the whole world, which is running riot in its wickedness. Throughout the day I felt the pain of the crown of thorns. When I lay down, I could not rest my head on the pillow. But at ten o‟clock the pains ceased, and I feel asleep; but the next day I felt very exhausted. 1620 + Jesus-Host, if You Yourself did not sustain me, I would not be able to persevere on the cross. I would not be able to endure so much suffering. But the power of Your grace maintains me on a higher level and makes my sufferings meritorious. You give me strength always to move forward and to gain heaven by force and to have love in my heart for those from whom I suffer adversities and contempt. With Your grace one can do all things. 1621 (18) March 1, 1938. One-day Retreat. In meditation, I learned that I should hide myself as deeply as possible in the Heart of Jesus, meditate upon His Sorrowful Passion, and penetrate into the sentiments of His Divine Heart, 356 which is full of mercy for sinners. In order to obtain mercy for them, I will empty myself at every moment, living by the will of God. 1622 Throughout this Lent, I am a host in Your hand, Jesus. Make use of me so that You may enter into sinners Yourself. Demand anything You like; no sacrifice will seem too much for me when souls are at stake. 1623 + I have offered this whole month‟s Masses and Holy Communions for the intention of Father Andrasz, that God may give him an ever deeper knowledge of His love and mercy. 1624 This month I will practice the three virtues recommended to me by the Mother of God: humility, (19) purity and love of God, accepting with profound submission to the will of god everything that He will send me. 1625 March 2, [1938]. I began Holy Lent in the way that Jesus wanted me to, making myself totally dependent upon His holy will and accepting with love everything that he sends me. I cannot practice any greater mortifications, because I am so very weak. This long illness has sapped my strength completely. I am uniting myself with Jesus through suffering. When I meditate on His Painful Passion, my physical sufferings are lessened. 1626 The Lord said to me, I am taking you into My school for the whole of Lent. I want to teach you how to suffer. I answered, “With You, Lord, I am ready for everything.” And I heard a voice. You are allowed to drink from the cup from which I drink. I give you that exclusive privilege today….. 1627 (20) Today I felt the Passion of Jesus in my whole body, and the Lord gave me knowledge of the conversion of certain souls. 1628 During Holy Mass, I saw Jesus stretched out on the Cross, and He said to me, My pupil, have great love for those who cause you suffering. Do good to those who hate you. I answered, “O my Master, You see very well that I feel no love for them, and that troubles me.” Jesus answered, It is not always within your power to control your feelings. You will recognize that you have love if, after having experienced annoyance and contradiction, you do not lose your peace, but pray for those who have made you suffer and wish them well. When I returned [……] + (21) J. M. J. 1629 I am a host in Your hand, O Jesus, my Creator and Lord, Silent, hidden, without beauty or charm, Because all the beauty of my soul is imprinted within me. I am a host in Your hand, O Divine Priest, Do with me as You please; I am totally dependent on Your will, O Lord Because it is the delight and adornment of my soul. 357 I am like a white host in Your hand, O God, I implore You, transform me into Yourself. May I be wholly hidden in You, Locked in Your merciful Heart as in Heaven. I am like a host in Your hand, O Eternal Priest, May the wafer of my body hide me from human eye; May Your eye alone measure my love and devotion, Because my heart is always united with Your Divine Heart. I am like a sacrificial host in Your hand, O Divine Mediator, And I burn on the altar of holocaust, (22) Crushed and ground by suffering like grains of what, And all this for the sake of Your glory, for the salvation of souls. I am a host abiding in the tabernacle of Your Heart. I go through life drowned in Your love, And I fear nothing in the world, For You Yourself are my shield, my strength, and my defense. I am a host, laid on the altar of Your Heart, To burn forever with the fire of love, For I know that You have lifted me up solely because of Your mercy, And so I turn all the gifts and graces to Your glory. I am a host in Your hand, O Judge and Savior. In the last hour of my life, May the omnipotence of Your grace lead me to my goal, May Your compassion on the vessel of mercy become famous. 1630 Jesus, fortify the powers of my soul that the enemy gain nothing. Without You, I am weakness itself. What am I without Your grace (23) if not an abyss of my own misery? Misery is my possession. 1631 O Wound of Mercy, Heart of Jesus, hide me in Your depths as a drop of Your own blood, and do not let me out forever! Lock me in Your depths, and do You Yourself teach me to love You! Eternal Love, do You Yourself form my soul that it be made capable of returning Your love. O living Love, enable me to love You forever. I yearn to eternally reciprocate Your love. O Christ, a single gaze from You is dearer to me than a thousand worlds, than all heaven itself. Lord, You can make my soul capable of understanding completely who You are. I know and I believe that You can do all things; if You have deigned to give Yourself to me so generously, then I know that You can be even more generous. Bring me into an intimacy with You so far as it is possible for human nature to be brought…. + (24) J. M. J. 1632 The desires of my heart are so great and incomprehensible That nothing can fill the abyss of my heart. Even the most beautiful things, gathered from all over the world. 358 Would not for a moment fill Your place for me, O God. With one glance, I penetrated the whole world, And I found no other love like the love of my heart. Therefore I looked into the world of eternity – Because this one is too small for me. My heart has desired the love of the Immortal One. My heart has sensed that I am a royal child, That I have found myself in exile, in a foreign land. I see that the heavenly palace is my home; Only there will I feel as in my own fatherland. You Yourself have drawn my soul to You, O Lord; O Eternal Word, You Yourself have stooped to me, Giving my soul a deeper knowledge of Yourself. Behold, the mystery of love for which You have created me! Pure love has made me strong and brave. I fear neither the seraphim nor the cherubim, standing with sword in hand, (25) And I pass over with ease where others tremble, Because there is nothing to fear, there where love is the guide. And suddenly the eye of my soul came to rest upon You, O Lord Jesus Christ, stretched upon the Cross. Here is my Love, with whom I will rest in my grave, This is my Bridegroom, my incomprehensible Lord and God. [Here occurs a bigger space in the Diary.] 1633 (26) March 10, [1938]. Continuous physical suffering. I am on the cross with Jesus. On one occasion, M. Superior [Irene] said to me, “It is a lack of love of neighbor on your part, Sister, that you eat something and then you suffer and disturb the others during their night‟s rest.” Yet I know for sure that these pains which occur in my intestines are not all caused by food. The doctor [probably Dr. Silberg] has said the same thing. These sufferings come from the body itself, or rather are a visitation of the Lord. Nevertheless, after that remark I resolved to suffer in secret and not to ask for help, because it is of no avail anyway, since I throw up the medicines that are given to me. Many a time, I have managed to suffer through attacks that were known only to Jesus. The pains are so violent and severe that they cause me to lose consciousness. When they cause me to faint, and I am drenched in cold sweat, then they gradually begin to go away. Sometimes they last (27) three hours or more. O my Jesus, may Your holy will be done; I accept everything from Your hand. If I accept the delights and raptures of love to the point of becoming oblivious to what is going on around me, it is only right that I should accept with love these sufferings which cause me to faint. 1634 When the doctor241 came, I could not go down to the parlor to see him, like the other sisters, but asked that he come to my cell, because I could not go down due to a certain difficulty. After a while, he came to the cell and, having examined me, said, “I‟ll tell everything to the 359 Sister Infirmarian.” When the Sister Infirmarian came, after the doctor had left, I told her why I hadn‟t been able to go down to the parlor, but she gave me to know how very displeased she was. And when I asked, “Sister, what did the doctor say about these pains?” she answered that he had said nothing, that it was nothing, (28) that he had said the patient was just sulking. And with that she went off. Then I said to God, “Christ, give me strength and power to suffer; give to my heart a pure love for this sister.” After that, she did not look in on me again for a whole week. But the sufferings returned with great violence and lasted almost the whole night, and it seemed that it would be the end, then and there. The superiors decided to approach another doctor, 242 and he ascertained that my condition was serious and said to me, “It will not be possible to return you to good health. We can remedy your condition partially, but complete recovery is out of question.” He prescribed a medicine for the pains, and after I had taken it, the major attacks did not return. “But if you come here, Sister, we will try to patch up your health somehow, if that is still possible.” The doctor very much wanted me to go there for a treatment. 243 O my Jesus, how strange are Your decrees! 1635 Jesus orders me to write all this (29) for the consolation of other souls who will often be exposed to similar sufferings. 1636 Although I was feeling very weak, I went to see the doctor [Silberg], because that was the superior‟s will. The sister who was my companion was very unhappy about this. She made this known to me several times and finally said, “What are we going to do? I don‟t have enough money to pay for the cab.” I answered nothing. “And what if there is no cab? How are we going to get there? It‟s such a long way.” She said this and many other things just to worry me, because our dear superiors had given us enough money for everything, and we didn‟t run short. And understanding this whole business within myself, I laughed and told sister that I was not worried one bit: “Let‟s trust in God.” But I saw that my deep peace was getting on her nerves, and so I started to pray for her intention. 1637 O my Lord, all this is (30) for You and to obtain mercy for poor sinners. When I returned, I was so very tired that I had to lie down right away. But it was the day for the quarterly confession. I tried to go to confession, not only because I had need to do so, but also to ask advice of my spiritual director [Father Andrasz]. I began to prepare myself; however I felt so weak that I decided to go ask Mother Superior [Irene] to allow me to go before the novices. Mother Superior answered, “Go and look for the Directress of Novices [Sister Callista]. If she allows you to go before the novices, it is all right with me.” However, there were only three sisters ahead of me, waiting for confession, and so I waited because I did not have enough strength to go and look for the Directress of Novices. When I went in to make my confession I was feeling so bad that I could not give an account of the condition of my soul; I barely managed to make my confession. At that point, I noted how much the spirit (31) is needed; the letter itself does not make love grow [cf. 2 Cor. 3:6]. 1638 On that day, there arose some misunderstandings between the Superior and myself. Neither she nor I was to blame, but moral suffering remained, because I could not explain the matter in question, since it was a secret. This was the reason why I suffered, even though, by a single word, I could have revealed the truth. 1639 The 20th [of March]. Today, in spirit, I accompanied a certain dying soul. I obtained trust in God‟s mercy for her. The soul was near despair. 360 1640 This night is known only to You, O Lord. I have offered it for poor obdurate sinners, to obtain Your mercy for them. Scourge me here, burn me here, as long as You give me the souls of sinners, and especially…… O Jesus, with You nothing is lost; take everything and give me souls…… sinners. 1641 (32) At adoration during the Forty-Hours‟ Devotion, the Lord said to me, My daughter, write that involuntary offenses of souls do not hinder My love for them or prevent Me from uniting Myself with them. But voluntary offenses, even the smallest, obstruct My graces, and I cannot lavish My gifts on such souls. 1642 + Jesus gave me to know of how everything is dependent on His will, thus giving me profound peace as regards the security of His work. 1643 Listen, My daughter, although all the works that come into being by My will are exposed to great sufferings, consider whether any of them has been subject to greater difficulties than that work which is directly Mine the work of Redemption. You should not worry too much about adversities. The world is not as powerful as it seems to be; its strength is strictly limited. (33) Know, My daughter, that if your soul is filled with the fire of My pure love, then all difficulties dissipate like fog before the sun's rays and dare not touch the soul. All adversaries are afraid to start a quarrel with such a soul, because they sense that it is stronger than the whole world. 1644 My daughter, do as much for this work of mercy as obedience allows, but present clearly to your confessor the very least of My demands, and he will decide. You must not shirk in any way, but carry out everything faithfully; otherwise, I would find no pleasure in you…… 1645 March 25, 1938. Today, I saw the suffering Lord Jesus. He leaned down toward me and whispered softly, My daughter, help Me to save sinners. Suddenly, a burning desire to save souls entered my soul. When I recovered my senses, I knew (34) just how I was to help souls, and I prepared myself for greater sufferings. 1646 + Today [probably Friday, March 25, 1938] my suffering increased; in addition, I felt wounds in my hands, feet and side. I endured this with patience. I sensed the hostility of the enemy of souls, but he did not touch me. 1647 April 1, [1938]. Once again, I am feeling worse today. A high fever is beginning to consume me, and I cannot take any food. I would like to have something refreshing to drink, but there is not even any water in my pitcher. All this, O Jesus, to obtain mercy for souls. Just as I was renewing my intention with greater love, one of the novices came in and gave me a big orange which had been sent by the Directress of Novices [Sister Callista]. I saw the Lord‟s hand in this. The same thing happened again, several times. (35) During this time, although my needs were known, I never received anything refreshing to eat, even though I had asked for it. However, I knew that God was demanding suffering and sacrifices. I am not writing in detail about these refusals, because these are delicate matters, and it is difficult to believe. Yet God can demand even such sacrifices. 1648 I was about to ask Mother Superior [Irene] to allow me to have something in my cell with which to quench my great thirst, but before I managed to ask, Mother herself began to speak. 361 “Sister, let‟s make an end of this illness once and for all, one way or another. You‟ll have to undergo regular treatment or something. Things can‟t go on like this any longer.” A little later when I was alone I said, “Christ, what am I to do? Am I to ask You for health or for death?” I had no clear command, so I knelt down and said, “May Your holy will be done in my regard. Do with me, Jesus, as You please.” (36) At that very moment, I felt as though I were all alone, and various temptations attacked me. But I found peace and light in earnest prayer, and I understood that the superior only wished to test me. 1649 I don‟t know how this happens, but the room in which I have been lying has been very much neglected. Sometimes, it has not been cleaned for more than two weeks. Often, no one would light a fire in the stove, and so my cough would get worse. Sometimes I would ask to have a fire lit, and at other times I did not have the courage to ask. On one occasion, when Mother Superior [Irene] came to see me and asked me if perhaps it was necessary to heat the room more, I said, No, because it was already getting warmer outside, and we had the window open.
1650 First Friday. When I took the Messenger of the Sacred Heart into my hand and read the account of the canonization of Saint Andrew Bobola, my soul was instantly filled with a great longing that our Congregation, too, might have a saint, and I wept like a child that there was no saint in our midst. And I said to the Lord, “I know Your generosity, and yet it seems to me that You are less generous toward us.” And I began again to weep like a little child. And the Lord Jesus said to me, Don‟t cry. You are that saint. Then the light of God inundated my soul, and I was given to know how much I was to suffer, and I said to the Lord, “How will that come about? You have been speaking to me about another Congregation.” And the Lord answered. It is not for you to know how this will come about. Your duty is to be faithful to My grace and to do always what is within your power and what
obedience allows you to do…..