Wednesday, 16 March 2016

211 (100) + Once again, a terrible darkness envelops my soul. It seems to me that I am falling prey to illusions.

When I went to confession to obtain some light and peace, I did 82 not find these at all. The confessor 66 left me with even more doubts than I had before.He said to me, “I cannot discern what power is at work in you, Sister, perhaps it is God and perhaps it is the evil spirit.” When I left the confessional, I started to think about his words. The longer I did so, the deeper my soul sank into darkness. “Jesus, what am I to do?” When Jesus approached me with kindness, I was frightened, “Are you really Jesus?” On the one hand, I am drawn by love and, on the other, by fear. What torture! I cannot describe it! 212 When I went to confession again, I got the answer, “I do not understand you Sister. It would be better if you did not come to me for confession.” O my God!. I have to do such violence to myself before I say anything about my spiritual life, and here I am getting this answer: “Sister, I do not understand you!” 213 When I left the confessional, a multitude of torments oppressed me. I went before the Blessed Sacrament and said, “Jesus, save me; You see how weak I am!” Then I heard these words,I will give you help during the retreat before the vows.