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751 And so You see, Jesus, that everything is now up to You. I am perfectly at peace, despite these great urgings. For my part, I have done everything, and it is now Your turn, my Jesus, and in this way (169) Your cause will be made apparent. I am totally in accord with Your will; do with me as You please, O Lord, but only grant me the grace of loving You more and more ardently. This is what is most precious to me. I desire nothing but You, O Love Eternal! It matters not along what paths You will lead me, paths of pain or paths of joy. I want to love You at every moment of my life. If You tell me to leave, O Jesus, in order to carry out Your will, I will leave. If you tell me to stay, I will stay. It matters not what I will suffer, in the one instance or the other. O my Jesus, if I leave, I know what I shall have to suffer and endure. I agreed to this with full awareness, and I have already accepted it by an act of the will. It does not matter what the chalice holds for me. It is enough for me to know that it has been given to me by the loving hand of God. If you tell me to turn back and stay, I will stay in spite of all the interior urgings. If You still keep them (170) in my soul and leave me in this inner agony even to the end of my life, I accept this in the full consciousness of my will and in loving submission to You, O my God. If I stay, I shall hide myself in Your mercy, my God, so deeply that no human eye will see me. Throughout my life, I want to be a thurible filled with hidden fire, and may the smoke rising up to You, O Living Host, be pleasing to You. I feel in my own heart that every little sacrifice arouses the fire of my love for You, but in such a silent and secret way that no one will detect it. 752 When I told Mother General that the Lord wanted the Congregation to say the chaplet in order to propitiate God‟s anger, Mother told me that at present she could not introduce new prayers that had not yet been approved….. “But give me the chaplet, Sister, [she said;] perhaps it can be said during an adoration. We (171 ) shall see. It would be good if Father Sopocko could publish a pamphlet with the chaplet; then it would be better and easier to recite it in the Congregation, for it is a bit difficult to do so now.” 753 The mercy of the Lord is praised by the holy souls in heaven who have themselves experienced that infinite mercy. What these souls do in heaven, I already will begin to do here on earth. I will praise God for His infinite goodness, and I will strive to bring other souls to know and glorify the inexpressible and incomprehensible mercy of God. 754 + The Lord‟s Promise: The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death. 755 O my Jesus, teach me to open the bosom of mercy and love to everyone who asks for it. Jesus, my Commander, teach me so that all my prayers and deeds may bear the seal of Your mercy. 756 (172) November 18, 1936. Today I tried to make all my exercises before Benediction, because I was feeling more ill than usual. So I went to bed directly after Benediction. But when I entered the bedroom, I suddenly knew interiorly that I should go to the cell of S.N.145 because she was in need of help. I entered her cell at once, and S.N. said to me, “Oh, how good it is that God has brought you here, Sister!” And her voice was so faint 197 that I could hardly hear her. She said to me, “Sister, please bring me some tea with lemon, because I am terribly thirsty, and I cannot move because I am in such pain.” And truly, she was suffering very much and had a high fever. I made her more comfortable, and she was able to quench her thirst with the little bit of tea that I brought her. When I entered my own cell, my soul was engulfed by the great love of God, and I understood that we should take great heed of our interior inspirations and follow them faithfully, and that faithfulness to one grace draws down others. 757 (173) November 19, [1936]. During Mass today, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, Be at peace, My daughter; I see your efforts, which are very pleasing to Me. And the Lord disappeared, and it was time for Holy Communion. After I received Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Cenacle and in it Jesus and the Apostles. I saw the institution of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Jesus allowed me to penetrate His interior, and I came to know the greatness of His majesty and, at the same time, His great humbling of Himself. The extraordinary light that allowed me to see His majesty revealed to me, at the same time, what was in my own soul. 758 Jesus gave me to know the depth of His meekness and humility and to understand that He clearly demanded the same of me. I felt the gaze of God in my soul. This filled me with unspeakable love, but I understood that the Lord was looking with love on my virtues and my heroic efforts, and I knew that this was what was drawing God into my heart. It is from this that I have come to understand that it is not enough for me to strive only for the ordinary virtues, but that I must try to exercise (174) the heroic virtues. Although exteriorly a thing may be quite ordinary, it is the different manner [in which it is carried out] that only the eye of God catches. O my Jesus, what I have written is just a pale shadow of what I understand in my soul; these are purely spiritual things, but in order to write something of what the Lord gives me to know, I must use words with which I am totally dissatisfied, because they do not express the reality. 759 When I experienced these sufferings for the first time, it was like this: after the annual vows, 146 on a certain day, during prayer, I saw a great brilliance and, issuing from the brilliance, rays which completely enveloped me. Then suddenly, I felt a terrible pain in my hands, my feet and my side and the thorns of the crown of thorns. I experienced these sufferings during Holy Mass on Friday, but this was only for a brief moment. This was repeated for several Fridays, and later on I did not experience any sufferings up to the present time; that is, up to the end of September (175) of this year. In the course of the present illness, during Holy Mass one Friday, I felt myself pierced by the same sufferings, and this has been repeated on every Friday and sometimes when I meet a soul that is not in the state of grace. Although this is infrequent, and the suffering lasts a very short time, still it is terrible, and I would not be able to bear it without a special grace from God. There is no outward indication of these sufferings. What will come later, I do not know. All this, for the sake of souls……. 760 November 21, [1936]. Jesus, You see that I am neither gravely ill nor in good health. You fill my soul with enthusiasm for action, and I have no strength. The fire of Your love burns in me, and for what I cannot accomplish by physical strength, love will compensate. 761 Jesus, my spirit yearns for You, and I desire very much to be united with You, but Your works hold me back. The number of souls that I am to bring to You is not yet complete. I 198 desire toil and suffering; let everything You have planned (176) before the ages be fulfilled in me, O my Creator and Lord! It is only Your word that I understand; it alone gives me strength. Your Spirit, O Lord, is the Spirit of Peace; and nothing troubles my depths because You dwell there, O Lord. I know that I am under Your special gaze, O Lord. I do not examine with fear Your plans regarding me; my task is to accept everything from Your hand. I do not fear anything, although the storm is raging, and frightful bolts strike all around me, and I then feel quite alone. Yet, my heart senses You, and my trust grows, and I see all Your omnipotence which upholds me. With You, Jesus, I go through life, amid storms and rainbows, with a cry of joy, singing the song of Your mercy. I will not stop singing my song of love until the choir of Angels picks it up. There is no power than can stop me in my flight toward god. I see that even the superiors do not always understand the road along which God is leading me, and I am not surprised at this. 762 (177) Once, I saw Father Sopocko praying as he was reflecting on these matters. Then I saw how a ring of light appeared suddenly above his head. Although distance separates us, I often see him, especially as he works at his desk, despite his fatigue. 763 November 22, [1936]. Today during confession, the Lord Jesus spoke to me through the lips of a certain priest. This priest did not know my soul, and I only accused myself of my sins; yet he spoke these words to me: “Accomplish faithfully everything that Jesus asks of you, despite the difficulties. Know that, although people may be angry with you, Jesus is not angry and never will be angry with you. Pay no attention to human opinion.” This instruction surprised me at first; but I understood that the Lord was speaking through him without his realizing it. O holy mystery, what great treasures are contained in you! O holy faith, you are my guidepost! 764 (178) November 24. Today I received a letter from Father Sopocko. 147 I learned from it that God Himself is conducting this whole affair. And as the Lord has begun it, so will He continue to carry it along. And the greater the difficulties which I see, the more am I at peace. Oh, if in this whole matter the glory of God and the profit to souls were not greatly served, Satan would not be opposing it so much. But he senses what he is going to lose because of it. I have now learned that Satan hates mercy more than anything else. It is his greatest torment. Still, the word of God will not pass away; God‟s utterance is living; difficulties will not suppress the works of God, but show that they are God‟s….
765 On one occasion, I saw the convent of the new congregation. 148 As I walked about, inspecting everything, I suddenly saw a crowd of children who seemed to be no older than five to eleven years of age. When they saw me they surrounded me and began to cry out, “Defend us from evil,” (179) and they led me into the chapel which was in this convent. When I entered the chapel, I saw the distressful Lord Jesus. Jesus looked at me graciously and said that He was gravely offended by children: You are to defend them from evil. From that moment, I have been praying for children, but I feel that prayer alone is not enough.
766 O my Jesus, you know what efforts are needed to live sincerely and unaffectedly with those from whom our nature flees, or with those who, deliberately or not, have made us suffer. Humanly speaking, this is impossible. At such times more than at others, I try to discover the Lord Jesus in such a person and for this same Jesus, I do everything for 199 such people. In such acts, love is pure, and such practice of love gives the soul endurance and strength. I do not expect anything from creatures, and therefore I am not disappointed. I know that a creature is poor of itself, (180) so what can one expect from it? God is everything to me; I want to evaluate everything according to God‟s ways.
767 + My communion with the Lord is now purely spiritual. My soul is touched by god and wholly absorbs itself in Him, even to the complete forgetfulness of self. Permeated by God to its very depths, it drowns in His beauty; it completely dissolves in Him – I am at a loss to describe this, because in writing I am making use of the senses; but there, in that union, the senses are not active; there is a merging of God and the soul; and the life of God to which the soul is admitted is so great that the human tongue cannot express it. When the soul returns to its habitual form of life, it then sees that this life is all darkness and mist and dreamlike confusion, an infant‟s swaddling clothes. In such moments the soul only receives from God, for of itself it does nothing; it does not make even the slightest effort; all in her is wrought by God. But when the soul returns to its ordinary state, it sees that it is not (181 ) within its power to continue in this union. These moments are short, but their effects are lasting. The soul cannot remain long in this sate; or else it would be forcibly freed of the bonds of the body forever. Even as it is, it is sustained by a miracle of God. God allows the soul to know in a clear way how much He loves it, as though it were the only object of His delight. The soul recognizes this clearly and without a veil, so to speak. It reaches out for God with all its might, but it feels like a baby; it knows that this is not within its power. Therefore, God descends to the soul and unites it to Himself in a way that…. Here, I must be silent, for I cannot describe what the soul experiences. 768 It is a strange thing that although the soul which experiences this union with God cannot find words and expressions to describe it, nevertheless, when it meets a similar soul, the two understand each other extraordinarily well in regard to these matters, even though they speak but little with each other. A soul united with God in this way easily recognizes a similar soul, even if (182) the latter has not revealed its interior [life] to it, but merely speaks in an ordinary way. It is a kind of spiritual kinship. Souls united with God in this way are few, fewer than we think. 769 I have noticed that the Lord grants this grace to souls for two purposes. The first is when the soul is to do some great work which is, humanly speaking, absolutely beyond its power. In the second case, I have noticed that the Lord grants it in order that kindred souls might be guided and set at peace, although the Lord can grant this grace as He pleases and to whomever He pleases. However, I have noticed this grace in three priests, one of whom is a secular priest [probably Father Sopocko] and the other two, religious priests [probably Father Elter and Father Andrasz], and also in two religious sisters [probably Mother Michael and Sister Mary Joseph], but not in the same degree. 770 As for myself, I received this grace for the first time, and that for only a brief moment, in the eighteenth149 year of my life, within the octave of Corpus Christi [June 18-25, 1925], during Vespers, when I made to the Lord Jesus the vow of perpetual chastity. (183) I was still living in the world, but I entered the convent soon afterwards. The grace lasted for a very brief moment, but its power was great. After this grace, there was a long interval. It is true that I received many graces from the Lord during this interval, but they 200 were of a different order. It was a time of trials and purification. The trials were so painful that my soul felt as though it was being totally abandoned by God and it was steeped in profound darkness. I became aware and understood that no one would be able to bring me out of those torments or even understand me. There were two occasions when my soul was plunged into despair, once for half an hour, and the second time for three quarters of an hour. Just as I cannot describe the greatness of the graces, so too with these ordeals sent by the Lord; whatever words I might use, they are only a pale shadow [of the reality]. However, just as the Lord plunged me into these torments, so too He brought me out of them. Only this lasted for a few years, after which I again received this extraordinary grace of union (184) which has continued to this day. Still, during this second period of union, there also have been short interruptions. But for some time now, I have not experienced any interruption at all; on the contrary, I am more and more deeply steeped in God. The great light which illumines the mind gives me a knowledge of the greatness of God; but it is not as if I were getting to know the individual attributes, as before – no, it is different now: in one moment, I come to know the entire essence of God. 771 In that same moment, the soul drowns entirely in Him and experiences a happiness as great as that of the chosen ones in heaven. Although the chosen ones in heaven see God face to face and are completely and absolutely happy, still their knowledge of God is not the same. God has given me to understand this. This deeper knowledge begins here on earth, depending on the grace [given], but to a great extent it also depends on our faithfulness to that grace. However, the soul receiving this unprecedented grace of union with God cannot say that it sees God face to face, because even here there is a very thin veil of faith, but so very (185) thin that the soul can say that it sees God and talks with Him. It is “divinized.” God allows the soul to know how much He loves it, and the soul sees that better and holier souls than itself have not received this grace. Therefore, it is filled with holy amazement, which maintains it in deep humility, and it steeps itself in its own nothingness and holy astonishment; and the more it humbles itself, the more closely God united Himself with it and descends to it. The soul, at this moment is, as it were, hidden; its senses are inactive; in one moment, it knows God and drowns in Him. It knows the whole depth of the Unfathomable One, and the deeper this knowledge, the more ardently the soul desires Him. 772 Great is the mutual exchange between the soul and god. When the soul leaves its concealment, the senses get a taste of what the soul has delighted in. Although this also is a great grace from God, it is not a purely spiritual one, for in the first moments the senses do not take part. Every grace gives the soul power and strength to act, and courage to suffer. The soul knows very well that God is asking of it, and it carries out (186) His holy will despite adversities. 773 Yet, the soul cannot proceed on its own in these matters. It must follow the advice of an enlightened confessor, for otherwise it could go astray or gain no profit. 201 774 + O my Jesus, I understand well that, just as illness is measured with a thermometer, and a high fever tells us of the seriousness of the illness, so also, in the spiritual life, suffering is the thermometer which measures the love of God in a soul. 775 + My goal is God…. and my happiness is in accomplishing His will, and nothing in the world can disturb this happiness for me: no power, no force of any kind. 776 The Lord visited my cell today and said to me, My daughter, I will not leave you in this community for much longer. I am telling you this so that you will be more diligent in taking advantage of the graces which I grant you. 777 (187) November 27, [1936]. Today I was in heaven, in spirit, and I saw its inconceivable beauties and the happiness that awaits us after death. I saw how all creatures give ceaseless praise and glory to God. I saw how great is happiness in god, which spreads to all creatures, making them happy; and then all the glory and praise which springs from this happiness returns to its source; and they enter into the depths of God, contemplating the inner life of God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, whom they will never comprehend or fathom. This source of happiness is unchanging in its essence, but it is always new, gushing forth happiness for all creatures. Now I understand Saint Paul, who said, “Eye has not seen, nor has ear heard, nor has it entered into the heart of man what God has prepared for those who love Him.” 778 And God has given me to understand that there is but one thing that is of infinite value in His eyes, and that is love of God; love, love and once again, love; and nothing can compare with a single act of pure (188) love of God. Oh, with what inconceivable favors God gifts a soul that loves Him sincerely! Oh, how happy is the soul who already here on earth enjoys His special favors! And of such are the little and humble souls. 779 The sight of this great majesty of God, which I came to understand more profoundly and which is worshiped by the heavenly spirits according to their degree of grace and the hierarchies into which they are divided, did not cause my soul to be stricken with terror or fear; no, no, not at all! My soul was filled with peace and love, and the more I come to know the greatness of God, the more joyful I become that He is as He is. And I rejoice immensely in His greatness and am delighted that I am so little because, since I am little He carries me in His arms and holds me close to His Heart. 780 O my God, how I pity those people who do not believe in eternal life; how I pray for them that a ray of mercy would envelop them too, and that God would clasp them to His fatherly bosom. 781 O Love, O queen! Love knows no (189) fear, It passes through all the choirs of angels that stand on guard before his throne. It will fear no one. It reaches God and is immersed in Him as in its sole treasure. The Cherubim who guards paradise with flaming sword, has no power over it. O pure love of God, how great and unequaled you are! Oh, if souls only knew your power! 202 782 + I am very weak today. I cannot even make my meditation in the chapel, but must lie down. O my Jesus, I love You, and I want to worship You with my very weakness, submitting myself entirely to Your holy will. 783 + I must be on my guard, especially today, because I am becoming over-sensitive to everything. Things I would not pay any attention to when I am healthy bother me today. O my Jesus, my shield and my strength, grant me Your grace that I may emerge victorious from these combats. O my Jesus, transform me into Yourself by the power of Your love, that I may be a worthy tool in proclaiming Your mercy. 784 (190) + I thank God for this illness and these physical discomforts, because I have time to converse with the Lord Jesus. It is my delight to spend long hours at the feet of the hidden God, and the hours pass like minutes as I lose track of time. I feel that a fire is burning within me, and I understand no other life but that of sacrifice, which flows from pure love.
785 November 29, [1936]. The Mother of God has taught me how to prepare for the Feast of Christmas. I saw Her today, without the Infant Jesus. She said to me: My daughter, strive after silence and humility, so that Jesus, who dwells in your heart continuously, may be able to rest. Adore Him in your heart; do not go out from your inmost being. My daughter, I shall obtain for you the grace of an interior life which will be such that, without ever leaving that interior life, you will be able to carry out all your external duties with even greater care. Dwell with Him continuously in your heart. He will be your strength.
Communicate with creatures only in so far as is necessary (191 ) and is required by your duties. You are a dwelling place pleasing to the living God; in you He dwells continuously with love and delight. And the living presence of God, which you experience in a more vivid and distinct way, will confirm you, my daughter, in the things I have told you. Try to act in this way until Christmas Day, and then He Himself will make known to you in what way you will be communing and uniting yourself with Him. 786 November 30, [1936]. During Vespers today, an unusual pain pierced my soul. I see that, in every respect, this work is beyond my strength. I am a little child before the immensity of the task, and it is only at the Lord‟s clear command that I am setting about to carry it out. On the other hand, even these great graces are a burden for me, and I am barely able to carry them. I see my superiors‟ disbelief and doubts of all kinds and, for this reason, their apprehensive behavior toward me. My Jesus, I see that even such great graces can be [a source of] suffering. And yet, it is so; (192) not only may they be a cause of suffering, but they must be such, as a sign of God‟s action. I understand well that if God Himself did not strengthen the soul in these various ordeals, the soul would not be able to master the situation. Thus God Himself is its shield. As I continued Vespers, meditating on this mixture of suffering and grace, I heard the voice of Our Lady: Know, My daughter, that although I was raised to the dignity of Mother of God, seven swords of pain pierced My heart. Don’t do anything to defend yourself; bear everything with humility; God Himself will defend you. December 1 [1936]. One-day retreat. 787 Today, during the morning meditation, the Lord gave me to see and understand clearly that His demands are unchangeable. I see clearly that no one can release me from the 203 duty of doing the known will of God. A great lack of health and physical strength is not a sufficient reason and does not release me (193) from this work that the Lord Himself is carrying out through me. I am to be just a tool in His hands. And so, O Lord, here I am to carry out Your will. Command me according to Your eternal plans and desires. Only give me the grace that I may always be faithful to You. 788 As I was conversing with the hidden God, He gave me to see and understand that I should not be reflecting so much and building up fear of the difficulties which I might encounter. Know that I am with you; I bring about the difficulties, and I overcome them; in one instant, I can change a hostile disposition to one which is favorable to this cause. The Lord explained many things to me in today‟s dialogue, although I am not putting everything in writing. 789 Always and in all circumstances, yield the first place to others; especially during recreation listen quietly, without interrupting, even if someone tells me the same thing ten times. I will never ask questions about something that interests me very much. 790 (194) Resolution: still the same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ. General resolution: interior calm, silence. 791 Hide me, Jesus, in the depths of Your mercy, and then let my neighbor judge me as he pleases. 792 I must never speak of my own experiences. In suffering, I must seek relief in prayer. In doubts, even the smallest, I must seek only the advice
of my confessor. I must always have a heart which is open to receive the sufferings of others, and drown my own sufferings in the Divine Heart so that they would not be noticed on the outside, in so far as possible. I must always strive for equanimity, no matter how stormy the circumstances might be. I must not allow anything to disturb my interior calm and silence. Nothing can compare with peace of soul. When I am wrongfully accused of something, I will not explain myself; if the superior wants to know (195) the truth, whether I was in the right or not, let her find out from others rather than from me. My concern is to accept everything with a humble inner disposition. I will spend this Advent in accordance with the directions of the Mother of God: in meekness and humility. 793 I am reliving these moments with Our Lady. With great longing, I am waiting for the Lord‟s coming. Great are my desires. I desire that all humankind come to know the Lord. I would like to prepare all nations for the coming of the Word Incarnate. O Jesus, make the fount of Your mercy gush forth more abundantly, for humankind is seriously ill and thus has more need than ever of Your compassion. You are a bottomless sea of mercy for us sinners; and the greater the misery, the more right we have to Your mercy. You are a fount which makes all creatures happy by Your infinite mercy. 794 (196) Today [December 9, 1936], I am leaving for Pradnik, just outside Cracow, to undergo treatment. I am to stay there for three months. I am being sent there through 204 the great solicitude of my superiors, especially that of our dear Mother General [Michael], who is so solicitous for the sisters who are ill. 795 I have accepted the favor of this treatment, but I am fully resigned to the will of god. Let God do with me as He pleases. I desire nothing but the fulfillment of his holy will. I am uniting myself with the Mother of God, and I am leaving Nazareth and going to Bethlehem. I will spend Christmas there among strangers, yet with Jesus, Mary and Joseph, because such is the will of God. I am striving to do the will of God in all things. I do not desire a return to health more than death. I entrust myself completely to His infinite mercy and, as a little child, I am living in the greatest peace. I am trying only to make my love for Him deeper and purer, to be a delight to His divine glance…… 796 (197) The Lord told me to say this chaplet for nine days before the Feast of Mercy. It is to begin on Good Friday. By this novena, I will grant every possible grace to souls. 797 When I was somewhat overcome by the fear that I was to be outside the community for so long a time alone, Jesus said to me, You will not be alone, because I am with you always and everywhere. Near to My Heart, fear nothing. I Myself am the cause of your departure. Know that My eyes follow every move of your heart with great attention. I am bringing you into seclusion so that I Myself may form your heart according to My future plans. What are you afraid of? If you are with Me, who will dare touch you? Nevertheless, I am very pleased that you confide your fears to Me, My daughter. Speak to Me about everything in a completely simple and human way; by this you will give Me great joy. I understand you because I am God-Man. (198) This simple language of your heart is more pleasing to Me than the hymns composed in My honor. Know, My daughter, that the simpler your speech is, the more you attract Me to yourself. And now, be at peace close to My Heart. Lay your pen aside and get ready to leave. 798 December 9, 1936. This morning, I left for Pradnik. Sister Chrysostom drove me here. I have a private room to myself; I am very much like a Carmelite. When Sister Chrysostom had left and I was alone, I steeped myself in prayer, entrusting myself to the special protection of the Mother of God. She alone is always with me. She, like a good Mother, watches over all my trials and efforts. 799 Suddenly, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, Be at peace, My child. See, you are not alone. My Heart watches over you. Jesus filled me with strength concerning a certain person. I feel strength within my soul. (199) A moral principle. 800 If one does not know what is better, one must reflect, consider and seek advice, because one must not act with an uncertain conscience. When uncertain, say to yourself: “Whatever I do will be good. I have the intention of doing good.” The Lord God accepts what we consider good, and the Lord God also accepts and considers it as good. One should not worry if, after some time, one sees that these things are not good. God looks at the intention with which we begin, and will reward us accordingly. This is a principle which we ought to follow.