251 After perpetual vows, I stayed in Cracow throughout the month of May, because it was
undecided whether I was to go to Rabka or to Vilnius. Once Mother General [Michael]
asked me, “Why are you sitting here so quietly and not getting ready to go somewhere,
Sister?” I answered, “I want to do God‟s pure will; wherever you bid me to go, dear
Mother, I will know God‟s pure will for me will be there, without any admixture on my part.”
(115) Mother General replied to this, “Very well!” The next day she summoned me
and said, “You wanted to have God‟s pure will, Sister; very well, then; you are going to
Vilnius.” I thanked her and awaited the day when I would be told to go. However, my
soul was filled with a certain joy and fear, at one and the same time. I felt that God was
preparing great graces for me there, but also great sufferings. Yet, I stayed on in Cracow
until the 27th of May. As I had no regular duties, I only went to help in the garden. And,
as it happened that I worked all alone for the whole month, I was able to make a Jesuit
retreat. 74 Although I went to community recreation, I still managed to make the Jesuit
retreat. I received much light from God during this time.
252 +It was four days after my perpetual vows. I was trying to make a Holy Hour. It was the
first Thursday of the month. As soon as I entered the chapel, god‟s presence enveloped
me. I was distinctly aware that the Lord was near me. After a moment, I saw the Lord, all
covered with wounds; and He said to me, Look at whom you have espoused. I
understood the meaning of these words and answered the Lord, “Jesus, I love You more
when I see You wounded and crushed with suffering like this than if I saw You in
majesty.” Jesus asked, Why? I replied, “Great majesty terrifies me, little nothing that I
am and Your wounds draw me to Your Heart and tell me of your great love for me.” After
this conversation there was silence. I fixed my gaze upon His sacred wounds and felt
happy to suffer with Him. I suffered, and yet I did not suffer, because I felt happy to know
the depth of His love, and the hour passed like a minute.
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253 +I must never judge anyone, but look at others with leniency and at myself with severity. I
must refer everything to God and, in my own eyes, recognize myself for what I am: utter
misery and nothingness. In suffering, I must be patient and quiet, knowing that everything
passes in time.
254 (116) +The moments I lived through when I was taking my perpetual vows are better left
unsaid.
I am in Him, and He in me. As the Bishop [Rospond] was putting the ring on my finger,
God pervaded my whole being, and since I cannot express that moment, I will be silent
about it. My relationship with God, since perpetual vows, has been more intimate than it
had ever been before. I sense that I love God and that He loves me. Having once tasted
God, my soul could not live without Him. One hour spent at the foot of the altar in the
greatest dryness of spirit is dearer to me than a hundred years of worldly pleasures. I
prefer to be a lowly drudge in the convent than a queen in the world.
255 +I will hide from people‟s eyes whatever good I am able to do so that God Himself may be
my reward. I will be like a tiny violet hidden in the grass, which does not hurt the foot that
treads on it, but diffuses its fragrance and, forgetting itself completely, tries to please the
person who has crushed it underfoot. This is very difficult for human nature, but God‟s
grace comes to one‟s aid.
256 +Thank You, Jesus, for the great favor of making known to me the whole abyss of my
misery. I know that I am an abyss of nothingness and that, if Your holy grace did not hold
me up, I would return to nothingness in a moment. And so, with every beat of my heart, I
thank You, my God, for Your great mercy towards me.
257 Tomorrow I am to leave for Vilnius. Today, I went to confession to Father Andrasz, this
priest who is so filled with the spirit of God, who untied my wings so that I could soar to
the highest summits. He reassured me in everything and told me to believe in Divine
Providence. “Have confidence and walk ahead with courage.” An extraordinary, divine
power came over me after that confession. (117) Father stressed that I must be faithful
to God‟s grace and said, “No harm will come to you if, in the future, you continue to keep
this same simplicity and obedience. Have confidence in God; you are on the right path
and in good hands, in God‟s hands.”
258 +That evening, I remained in the chapel a little longer. I talked to the Lord about a certain
soul. Encouraged by His goodness, I said, “Jesus, you gave me this Father who
understands my inspirations, and now You are taking him away from me again. What am
I going to do in this Vilnius? I don‟t know anyone there, and even the dialect of the people
there is foreign to me.” And the Lord said to me, Do not fear; I will not leave you to yourself. My soul drowned itself in a prayer of thanksgiving for all the graces that the
Lord had granted me through the mediation of Father Andrasz.
Suddenly, I remembered the vision in which I had seen that priest between the
confessional and the altar, trusting that I would meet him some day. And the words I had
heard came back vividly: He will help you to fulfill My will here on earth.
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259 Today, 27 [May 1933], I am leaving for Vilnius. When I came out of the house, I looked at
the garden and the house, and when I cast a glance at the novitiate, tears suddenly ran
down my cheeks. I remembered all the blessings and graces bestowed on me by the
Lord. Then, suddenly and unexpectedly, I saw the Lord by the flower bed and He said to
me, Do not weep; I am with you always. God‟s presence, which enveloped me as
Jesus was speaking, accompanied me throughout the journey.
260 I had permission to visit Czestochowa while on my journey. I saw the Mother of God
[image] for the first time, when I went to attend the unveiling of the image at five in the
morning,. I prayed without interruption until eleven, and it seemed to me that I had just
come. The Superior of the house there [Mother Serafin 75] sent a sister for me, to tell me
to come to breakfast and said she was worried (118) that I would miss my train. The
Mother of God told me many things. I entrusted my perpetual vows to Her, I felt that I
was her child and that She was my Mother. She did not refuse any of my requests.
261 +I am already in Vilnius today. A few scattered tiny huts make up the convent. It seems
a bit strange to me after the large buildings of Jozefow. There are only eighteen sisters
here. The house is small, but the community life is more intimate. All the sisters received
me very warmly, which was for me a great encouragement to endure the hardships that
lay ahead. Sister Justine had even scrubbed the floor in anticipation of my arrival.
262 +When I went to Benediction, Jesus enlightened me on how I was to conduct myself in
respect to certain persons. I clung with all my might to the most sweet Heart of Jesus,
knowing how much I would be exposed to external distractions because of the work I
would be doing here in the garden, where I necessarily would be in close contact with lay
persons.
263 +The week for confession came and, to my great joy, I saw the priest I had known before
coming to Vilnius. [That is to say,] I had known him by seeing him in a vision. At that
moment, I heard these words in my soul: This is My faithful servant; he will help you to fulfill My will here on earth. Yet, I did not open myself to him as the Lord wishes.
And for some time I struggled against grace. During each confession, God‟s grace
penetrated me in a very special way, yet I did not reveal my soul before him, and I had
the intention of not going to confession to that priest. After this decision, a terrible anxiety
entered my soul. God reproached me severely. When I did lay bare my soul completely
to this priest, Jesus poured an ocean of graces into it. Now I understand what it means to
be faithful to a particular grace. That one grace draws down a whole series of others.
264 (119) +O my Jesus, keep me near to You! See how weak I am! I cannot go a step
forward by myself; so You, Jesus, must stand by me constantly like a mother by a
helpless child – and even more so.
265 Days of work, of struggle, and of suffering have begun. Everything continued according
to the convent routine. One is always a novice, having to learn many things and to get to
know about many things, because although the rule is the same, each house has its own
customs; and thus, each change is a little novitiate.
August 5, 1933, The Feast of our Lady of Mercy.
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266 Today I received a great and incomprehensible grace, a purely interior one, for which I
will be grateful to God throughout this life and in eternity……
267 Jesus told me that I please Him best by meditating on His sorrowful Passion, and by such
meditation much light falls upon my soul. He who wants to learn true humility should
reflect upon the Passion of Jesus. When I meditate upon the Passion of Jesus, I get a
clear understanding of many things I could not comprehend before. I want to resemble
You, O Jesus, - You crucified, tortured, and humiliated. Jesus, imprint upon my heart and
soul Your own humility. I love You, Jesus, to the point of madness, You who were
crushed with suffering as described by the prophet [cf. Isaiah 53:2-9], as if he could not
see the human form in You because of Your great suffering. It is in this condition, Jesus,
that I love You to the point of madness. O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to
You?....
268 October 11, 1933.-Thursday.- I tried to make a Holy Hour, but began it with great
difficulty. A certain yearning started to tear at my heart. My mind was dimmed so that I
could not understand the simplest forms of prayer. And so passed by an hour of prayer,
or rather of struggle. I resolved to pray for a second hour, but my inner suffering
increased – great (120) dryness and discouragement. I resolved to pray for a third hour.
In the third hour, which I resolved to spend kneeling without any support, my body started
to clamor for rest. But I in no way relented. I stretched out my arms and though I spoke
no words, I persisted by sheer will. After a while, I took the ring off my finger and asked
Jesus to look at the ring, that sign of our eternal union, and I offered Jesus the feelings I
had on the day of perpetual vows. After a while, I feel my heart inundated with a wave of
love. A sudden recollection of spirit, the senses quiet down, and God‟s presence
pervades my soul. I know only this: that it is Jesus and I. I saw Him just as He had
appeared to me in that instant after my perpetual vows, when I was likewise making a
Holy Hour. Jesus was suddenly standing before me, stripped of His clothes, His body
completely covered with wounds, His eyes flooded with tears and blood, His face
disfigured and covered with spittle. The Lord then said to me, The bride must resemble her Betrothed. I understood these words to their very depth. There is no room for doubt
here. My likeness to Jesus must be through suffering and humility. See what love of human souls has done to Me. My daughter, in your heart I find everything that so great a number of souls refuses Me. Your heart is My repose. I often wait with great graces until towards the end of prayer.
269 Once, when I had finished a novena to the Holy Spirit for the intention of my confessor
[Father Sopocko], the Lord answered, I made him known to you even before your
superiors had sent you here. As you will act towards your confessor, so I will act toward you. If you conceal something from him, even though it be the least of My graces, I too will hide Myself from you, and you will remain alone. And so I followed
God‟s wish, and a deep peace filled my soul. Now I understand how the Lord defends
confessors and how He protects them.
(121) Advice of the rev. Dr. Sopocko.
270 Without humility, we cannot be pleasing to God. Practice the third degree of humility; 76
that is, not only must one refrain from explaining and defending oneself when reproached
with something, but one should rejoice at the humiliation.
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If the things you are telling me really come from God, prepare your soul for great
suffering. You will encounter disapproval and persecution. They will look upon you as a
hysteric and an eccentric, but the Lord will lavish His graces upon you. True works of
God always meet opposition and are marked by suffering. If God wants to accomplish
something, sooner or later He will do so in spite of the difficulties. Your part, in the
meantime, is to arm yourself with great patience.
271 When the Rev. Dr. Sopocko went to the Holy Land, Father Dabrowski, S.J., was the
community‟s confessor. During one confession he asked me if I was aware of the high
degree of [spiritual] life that was present in my soul. I answered that I was aware of it and
knew what was going on within me. To this the Father replied, “You must not destroy
what is going on in your soul, Sister, nor must you change anything on your own. It is not
in every soul that the beautiful gift of a higher interior life is manifest as it is in your case,
Sister, for it is manifest in an immense degree. Be careful not to waste these great
graces of God; a great…..” [Here the thought breaks off.]
272 But previously, this priest had put me through many trials. When I told him that the Lord
wanted these things of me [that is, the painting of the image, the establishing of a feast of
the Divine Mercy, and the founding of a new community], he laughed at me and told me
to come to confession at eight in the evening. When I came at eight, a brother was
already locking the church. When I told him that Father had ordered me to come at that
time (122)
and asked him to let Father know I was there, the good brother went to let him know.
Father told him to tell me that priests do not hear confessions at that time of day. I
returned home empty-handed and did not go to confession to him again, but made a
whole hour‟s adoration and took on certain mortifications for him, that he might obtain
light from god in order to know souls. But when Father Sopocko left, and he substituted
for him, I was forced to go to confession to him. Yet, while previously he had been
unwilling to acknowledge these inner inspirations, he now put me under obligation to be
faithful to them. God lets such things happen sometimes, but may He be glorified in
everything. Still, it requires much grace not to falter.
Annual Retreat. January 10, 1934.
273 My Jesus, again the moment approaches when I will be alone with You. Jesus, I ask You
with all my heart, let me know what there is in me that displeases You and also let me
know what I should do to become more pleasing to You. Do not refuse me this favor and
be with me. I know that without You, Lord, all my efforts will not amount to much. Oh,
how I rejoice at Your greatness, O Lord! The more I come to know You, the more
ardently I yearn for You and sigh after You!
274 Jesus gave me the grace of knowing myself. In this divine light I see my principal fault;
it is pride which takes the form of my closing up within myself and of a lack of simplicity
in my relations with Mother Superior [Irene].
The second light concerns speaking. I sometimes talk too much. A thing could be settled
in one or two words, and as for me, I take too much time about it. But Jesus wants me to
use that time to say some short indulgenced prayers for the souls in purgatory. And the
Lord says that every word will be weighed on the day of judgment.
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(123) The third light concerns our rules. I have not sufficiently avoided the occasions that
lead to breaking the rules, especially that of silence. I will act as if the rule were written
just for me; it should not affect me at all how anyone else might act, as long as I myself
act as God wishes.
Resolution. Whatever Jesus demands of me regarding external things, I will immediately
go and tell my superiors. I shall strive for childlike openness and frankness in my
relations with the superior.
275 Jesus loves hidden souls. A hidden flower is the most fragrant. I must strive to make
the interior of my soul a resting place for the Heart of Jesus. In difficult and painful
moments, O my Creator, I sing You a hymn of trust, for bottomless is the abyss of my
trust in You and in Your mercy!
276 From the moment I came to love suffering, it ceased to be a suffering for me. Suffering
is the daily food of my soul.
277 I will not speak with a certain person, because I know that Jesus does not like it and that
she does not profit by it.
278 At the feet of the Lord. Hidden Jesus, Eternal Love, our Source of Life, divine Madman,
in that You forget yourself and see only us. Before creating heaven and earth, You
carried us in the depths of Your Heart. O Love, O depth of Your Abasement, O mystery
of happiness, why do so few people know You? Why is Your love not returned? O
Divine Love, why do You hide Your beauty? O infinite One beyond all understanding,
the more I know You the less I comprehend You; but because I cannot comprehend
You, I better comprehend Your greatness. I do not envy the Seraphim their fire, for I
have a greater gift deposited in my heart. (124) They admire you in rapture, but Your
Blood mingles with mine. Love is heaven given us already here on earth. Oh, why do
You hide in faith? Love tears away the veil. There is no veil before the eye of my soul,
for You Yourself have drawn me into the bosom of secret love forever. Praise and glory
be to You, O indivisible Trinity, One God, unto ages of ages!
279 God made known to me what true love consists in and gave light to me about how, in
practice, to give proof of it to Him. True love of God consists in carrying out God‟s will.
To show God our love in what we do, all our actions, even the least, must spring from
our love of God. And the Lord said to me, My child, you please me most by suffering. In your physical as well as your mental sufferings, my daughter, do not seek sympathy from creatures. I want the fragrance of your suffering to be pure and unadulterated. I want you to detach yourself, not only from creatures, but also from yourself. My daughter, I want to delight in the love of your heart, a pure love, virginal, unblemished, untarnished. The more you will come to love suffering, My daughter, the purer your love for Me will be.
280 Jesus commanded me to celebrate the Feast of God‟s Mercy on the first Sunday after
Easter. [This I did] through interior recollection and exterior mortification, wearing the
belt for three hours and praying continuously for sinners and for mercy on the whole
world. And Jesus said to me, My eyes rest with pleasure upon this house today.
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281 I feel certain that my mission will not come to an end upon my death, but will begin. O
doubting souls, I will draw aside for you the veils of heaven to convince you of God‟s
goodness, so that you will no longer continue to wound with your distrust the sweetest
Heart of Jesus. God is Love and Mercy.
282 (125) Once the Lord said to me, My Heart was moved by great mercy towards you, My dearest child, when I saw you torn to shreds because of the great pain you suffered in repenting for your sins. I see your love, so pure and true that I give you first place among the virgins,. You are the honor and glory of My Passion. I see every abasement of your soul, and nothing escapes my attention. I lift up the humble even to My very throne, because I want it so.
God, One in the Holy Trinity
283 I want to love You as no human soul has ever loved You before; and although I am
utterly miserable and small, I have, nevertheless, cast the anchor of my trust deep down
into the abyss of Your mercy, O my God and Creator! In spite of my great misery I fear
nothing, but hope to sing You a hymn of glory for ever. Let no soul, even the most
miserable, fall prey to doubt; for, as long as one is alive, each one can become a great
saint, so great is the power of God‟s grace. It remains only for us not to oppose God‟s
action.
284 O Jesus, if only I could become like mist before Your eyes, to cover the earth so that
You would not see its terrible crimes. Jesus, when I look at the world and its
indifference towards You, again and again it brings tears to my eyes; but when I look at
a cold soul of a religious, my heart bleeds.
285 1934. Once, when I returned to my cell, I was so tired that I had to rest a moment
before I started to undress, and when I was already undressed, one of the sisters asked
me to fetch her some hot water. Although I was tired, I dressed quickly and brought her
the water she (126) wanted, even though it was quite a long walk from the cell to the
kitchen, and the mud was ankle-deep. When I re-entered my cell, I saw the ciborium
with the Blessed Sacrament, and I heard this voice, Take this ciborium and bring it to the tabernacle. I hesitated at first, but when I approached and touched it, I heard these
words, Approach each of the sisters with the same love with which you approach Me; and whatever you do for them, you do it for Me. A moment later, I saw that I
was alone.
286 +Once, after an adoration for our country, a pain pierced my soul, and I began to pray in
this way: “Most merciful Jesus, I beseech You through the intercession of Your Saints,
and especially the intercession of Your dearest Mother who nurtured You from
childhood, bless my native land. I beg You, Jesus, look not on our sins, but on the tears
of little children, on the hunger and cold they suffer. Jesus, for the sake of these
innocent ones, grant me the grace that I am asking of You for my country.” At that
moment, I saw the Lord Jesus, His eyes filled with tears, and He said to me, You see, My daughter, what great compassion I have for them. Know that it is they who uphold the world.
287 +My Jesus, when I look at this life of souls, I see that many of them serve You with
some mistrust. At certain times, especially when there is an opportunity to sow their
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love for God, I see them running away from the battlefield. And once Jesus said to me, Do you, my child, also want to act like that? I answered the Lord, “Oh, no, my
Jesus, I will not retreat from the battlefield even if mortal sweat breaks out on my brow; I
will not let the sword fall from my hand until I rest at the feet of the Holy Trinity!
Whatever I do, I do not rely on my own strength, but on God‟s grace. With God‟s grace
a soul can overcome the greatest difficulties.
288 (127) +Once when I was having a long talk with Jesus about our student, encouraged
by His kindness, I asked Him, “Do You have among our students any who are a comfort
to Your Heart?” The Lord answered [that] he has, but their love is weak, and so I put them in your special care – pray for them.
O great God, I admire Your goodness! You are the Lord of heavenly hosts, and yet You
stoop so low to Your miserable creatures. Oh, how ardently I desire to love You with
every beat of my heart! The whole extent of the earth is not enough for me, heaven is too
small, and boundless space is nothing; You alone are enough for me, Eternal God! You
alone can fill the depths of my soul.
289 My happiest moments are when I am alone with my Lord. During these moments I
experience the greatness of God and my own misery.
Once, Jesus said to me, Do not be surprised that you are sometimes unjustly accused. I Myself first drank this cup of underserved suffering for love of you.
290 Once, when I was deeply moved by the thought of eternity and its mysteries, my soul
became fearful; and when I pondered about these a little longer, I started to be troubled
by various doubts. Then Jesus said to me, My child, do not be afraid of the house of your Father. Leave these vain inquiries to the wise of this world. I want to see you always as a little child. Ask your confessor about everything with simplicity, and I will answer you through his lips.
291 On a certain occasion, I saw a person about to commit a mortal sin. I asked the Lord to
send me the greatest torments so that that soul could be saved. (128) Then I suddenly
felt the terrible pain of a crown of thorns on my head. It lasted for quite a long time, but
that person remained in the Lord‟s grace. O my Jesus, how very easy it is to become
holy; all that is needed is a bit of good will. If Jesus sees this little bit of good will in the
soul, He hurries to give Himself to the soul, and nothing can stop Him, neither
shortcomings nor falls – absolutely nothing. Jesus is anxious to help that soul, and if it is
faithful to this grace from God, it can very soon attain the highest holiness possible for a
creature here on earth. God is very generous and does not deny His grace to anyone.
Indeed He gives more than what we ask of Him. Faithfulness to the inspirations of the
Holy Spirit – that is the shortest route.
292 +When a soul loves God sincerely, it ought not fear anything in the spiritual life. Let is
subject itself to the action of grace, and let it not impose any restraints on itself in
communing with the Lord.
293 +When Jesus ravished me by His beauty and drew me to Himself, I then saw what in my
soul was displeasing to Him and made up my mind to remove it, cost what it may; and
aided by the grace of god I did remove it at once. This magnanimity pleased the Lord,
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and from that moment God started granting me higher graces. In my interior life I never
reason; I do not analyze the ways in which God‟s Spirit leads me. It is enough for me to
know that I am loved and that I love. Pure love enables me to know God and understand
many mysteries. My confessor is an oracle for me. His word is sacred to me – I am
speaking about the spiritual director [Father Sopocko].
294 +Once the Lord said to me, Act like a beggar who does not back away when he gets more alms [than he asked for], but offers thanks the more fervently. You too, should not back away and say that you are not worthy of receiving greater graces when I give them to you. I know you are unworthy, but rejoice all the more and take as many (129) treasures from My Heart as you can carry, for then you will please Me more. And I will tell you one more thing – take these graces not only for yourself, but also for others; that is, encourage the souls with whom you come in contact to trust in My infinite mercy. Oh, how I love those souls who have complete confidence in Me – I will do everything for them.
295 +At that moment Jesus asked me, My child, how is your retreat going? I answered,
“But Jesus, You know how it is going.” Yes, I know, but I want to hear it from your own lips and from your heart. “O my Master, when You are leading me, everything
goes smoothly, and I ask You, Lord, to never leave my side.” And Jesus said, Yes, I will be with you always, if you always remain a little child and fear nothing. As I was your beginning here, so I will also be your end. Do not rely on creatures, even in the smallest things, because this displeases Me. I want to be alone in your soul. I will give light and strength to your soul, and you will learn from My representative that I am in you, and your uncertainty will vanish like mist before the rays of the sun.
296 +O Supreme Good, I want to love You as no one on earth has ever loved You before! I
want to adore You with every moment of my life and unite my will closely to Your holy will.
My life is not drab or monotonous, but it is varied like a garden of fragrant flowers, so that
I don‟t know which flower to pick first, the lily of suffering or the rose of love of neighbor or
the violet of humility. I will not enumerate these treasures in which my every day
abounds. It is a great thing to know how to make use of the present moment.
297 +Jesus, Supreme Light, grant me the grace of knowing myself, and pierce my dark soul
with Your light, and fill the abyss of my soul with Your own self, for You alone […….]
298 O my Jesus, the Life, the Way and the Truth, I beg You to keep me close to You as a
mother holds a baby to her bosom, for I am not only a helpless child, but an accumulation
of misery and nothingness.
(130) + The Mystery of the Soul. Vilnius, 1934
299 When, on one occasion, my confessor told me to ask the Lord Jesus the meaning of the
two rays in the image, 77 I answered, “Very well, I will ask the Lord.”
During prayer I head these words within me: The two rays denote Blood and Water. The pale ray stands for the Water which makes souls righteous. The red ray stands for the Blood which is the life of souls……
99 These two rays issued forth from the very depths of My tender mercy when My agonized Heart was opened by a lance on the Cross. These rays shield souls from the wrath of My Father. Happy is the one who will dwell in their shelter, for the just hand of God shall
not lay hold of him. I desire that the first Sunday after Easter be the Feast of Mercy.
300 +Ask of my faithful servant [Father Sopocko] that, on this day, he tell the whole world of My great mercy; that whoever approaches the Fount of Life on this day will be granted complete remission of sins and punishment. +Mankind will not have peace until it turns with trust to My mercy. +Oh, how much I am hurt by a soul‟s distrust! Such a soul professes that I am Holy and Just, but does not believe that I am Mercy and does not trust in My Goodness. Even the devils glorify My Justice but do not believe in My Goodness. My Heart rejoices in this title of Mercy.
