1101 In the evening, I heard these words in my soul: My daughter, know that I shall speak to you in a special way through this priest [Father Plaza 191] so that you may not yield to doubt concerning My wishes. Already in the first meditation my soul was
struck by the following words of the priest: I must not oppose /God‟s will and God‟s
designs, whatever they might be; and as soon as I am convinced of the certitude and the
authenticity of the will of God, I have the duty of carrying it out. No one can release me
from this. Whatever (27) the will of God may be, once I have come to know it, I ought to
carry it out. This is just a very short summary, but the whole meditation imprinted itself on
my soul, and I have no doubts about anything. I know what God wants of me, and what I
ought to do.
1102 There are, in my life, times and moments of spiritual insight; that is, divine illuminations,
when the soul receives inward instruction about things it has not read in any book and
has not been taught by any person. These are times of great inner knowledge which God himself imparts to the soul. These are great mysteries…… I often receive light and the knowledge of the interior life of God and of God‟s intimate disposition, and this fills me
with unutterable trust and a joy that I cannot contain within myself; I desire to dissolve completely in Him……
1103 + The quintessence of love is sacrifice and suffering. Truth wears a crown of thorns.
Prayer involves the intellect, the will, and the emotions.
1104 Today there was a beautiful teaching [by Father Plaza] on the goodness and mercy of God. During this conference my soul experienced the flames of God‟s love, and I understood that God‟s word is a living word.
1105 My particular examen is still the same; namely, union with the merciful Christ, and silence.
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The flower which I lay at the feet of the Mother of God for May is my practice of silence.
1106 (28) + Virtue without prudence is not virtue at all. We should often pray to the Holy Spirit
for this grace of prudence. Prudence consists in discretion, rational reflection and
courageous resolution. The final decision is always up to us. We must decide; we can and we ought to seek advice and light…..
1107 Today during meditation, God gave me inner light and the understanding as to what
sanctity is and of what it consists. Although I have heard these things many times in
conferences, the soul understands them in a different way when it comes to know of them
through the light of God which illumines it.
Neither graces, nor revelations, nor raptures, nor gifts granted to a soul make it perfect,
but rather the intimate union of the soul with God. These gifts are merely ornaments of
the soul, but constitute neither its essence nor its perfection. My sanctity and perfection
consist in the close union of my will with the will of God. God never violates our free will.
It is up to us whether we want to receive God‟s grace or not. It is up to us whether we will
cooperate with it or waste it.
1108 In the last evening conference, which was a preparation for the renewal of vows, Father
was speaking about the happiness that flows from the three vows, and about the reward
that comes from observing them faithfully. Suddenly, my soul was thrown into great
interior darkness. My soul was filled with bitterness instead of joy, and my heart was
pierced with a sharp pain. I felt so miserable and unworthy of this grace and, conscious
of my misery and unworthiness, I would not have dared to so much as approach the feet
of the youngest postulant to kiss them. I saw the postulants, in spirit, beautiful and
pleasing to the Lord; and myself, an abyss of misery. After (29) the conference, I flung
myself at the feet of the hidden God, midst tears and pain. I threw myself into the sea of God‟s infinite mercy, and only there did I experience relief and feel that all of His
omnipotent mercy was enveloping me.
1109 + 30. This is the day for the renewal of vows.
Immediately upon my awakening, God‟s presence enveloped me, and I felt I was a child
of God. Divine love was poured into my soul, and God gave me to see how everything
depended on His will. He spoke these words to me: I want to grant a complete pardon to the souls that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion on the Feast of My mercy. Then he said to me, My daughter, fear nothing. I am always with you, even if it seems to you that I am not. Your humility draws Me down from My lofty throne, and I unite Myself closely with you.
1110 29 [April 1937]. The Lord gave me to know about the disputes192 that were going on in
the Vatican concerning this Feast. The dignitary Pacelli did much work on this.
1111 Today is the renewal; that is, the profession of vows193 in the course of a solemn
celebration. As the sisters were making their vows, I heard angels singing in various tones, “Holy, Holy, Holy,” with chanting so delightful that no human tongue could ever
match it.
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1112 In the afternoon, I talked with my beloved Mother Directress of Novices, Mother Mary
Joseph. We walked once around the garden, and I was able to have a talk with her,
although it was a rather general one. She is ever the same beloved Mother Directress of
Novices, although she is in fact no longer the directress, but a Superior, and it is already
ten years since I pronounced my vows. She told me that it is impossible for a religious to
live without the cross. However, she revealed to me a certain suffering which I had
experienced in Warsaw, although I had never told her (30) about it. All the graces which I
had received during the novitiate came back vividly before the eyes of my soul. Oh, how
grateful I am to her! When my soul was plunged in darkness, and it seemed to me that I
was damned, she wrenched me from that abyss by the power of obedience.
1113 My soul is often burdened with suffering, and there is no human being who can
understand these torments.
1114 May 1, 1937. Today I felt the nearness of my Mother, my heavenly Mother, although
before every Holy Communion I earnestly ask the Mother of God to help me prepare my
soul for the coming of Her Son, and I clearly feel Her protection over me. I entreat Her to be so gracious as to enkindle in me the fire of God‟s love, such as burned in Her own
pure heart at the time of the Incarnation of the Word of God.
1115 May 4. Today I went to see Mother General [Michael] for a moment and asked her, “Dear Mother, have you had nay inspiration regarding my leaving the convent?” Mother General answered, “Until the present, Sister, I have always restrained you, but now I
leave you complete freedom to choose to do as you wish; you can leave the Congregation or you can stay.” So I answered, “Very well.” I thought of writing
immediately to the Holy Father to ask him to release me from my vows. 194 When I had
left Mother General, darkness once again descended upon my soul, as it had in the past.
It is strange that, each time I ask permission to leave the Congregation, this darkness
invades my soul, and I feel as though I have been left completely on my own. While
experiencing this torment of the spirit, (31 ) I decided to go immediately to Mother and tell her about my strange torment and struggle. Mother answered, “That leaving of yours is a temptation.” After talking to her for a while I felt some relief, but the darkness persisted. “This Divine Mercy is a beautiful thing, and it must be a great work of the Lord, since Satan opposes it so much and wants to destroy it.” Such were the words of our beloved
Mother General.
1116 No one can understand or comprehend, nor can I myself describe, my torments. But
there can be no sufferings greater than this. The sufferings of the martyrs are not greater
because, at such times, death would be a relief for me. There is nothing to which I can
compare these sufferings, this endless agony of the soul.
1117 May 5, [1937]. Today, I opened up my soul somewhat in confession, because it occurred
to me that perhaps this is the real temptation: that at the time I ask to be allowed to leave
the Congregation I experience such great suffering and darkness. To this the confessor replied that perhaps it was not the time appointed by God. “You must pray and wait
patiently, but it is true that great sufferings are in store for you. You will have to bear
many sufferings and overcome many difficulties; that much is certain. It would be better
to wait and to pray much for deeper knowledge and for divine light. These are grave matters.”
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1118 My God! In these difficult moments my spiritual director [Father Andrasz] is away, for he
has gone to Rome. Jesus, since You have taken him away from me, guide me Yourself,
(32) because You alone know how much I can bear. I believe firmly that God cannot give
me more than I can bear. I trust in His mercy.
1119 In the moments when I am between heaven and earth, I keep silent, because even if I did
speak, who would understand what I say? Eternity will reveal many things about which I am now silent……
1120 When I went out into the garden, I saw how everything was breathing the joy of spring.
The trees, adorned with flowers, gave off an intoxicating odor. Everything was throbbing
with joy, and the birds were singing and chirping their adoration of God and said to me, “Rejoice and be happy, Sister Faustina”; but my soul remains in torment and darkness.
My soul is so sensitive to the rustle of grace [that] it knows how to talk with all created
things and with everything that surrounds me, and I know why God has adorned the earth in this way…. But my heart cannot be joyful because my Beloved has hidden Himself
from me, and I will not rest until I find Him…. I do not know how to live without God, but I
also feel that God, absolutely self-sufficient though He is, cannot be happy without me….
1121 May 6, [1937]. The Ascension of Our Lord.
Since early this morning, my soul has been touched by God. After Holy Communion, I
communed for a while with the heavenly Father. My soul was drawn into the glowing
center of love. I understood that no exterior works could stand comparison with pure love of God….. I saw the joy of the Incarnate Word, and I was immersed in the Divine Trinity.
When I came to myself, longing filled my soul, and I yearned to be united (33) with God.
Such tremendous love for the heavenly Father enveloped me that I call this day an
uninterrupted ecstasy of love. The whole universe seemed to me like a tiny drop in
comparison with God. There is no greater happiness than when God gives me to know
interiorly that every beat of my heart is pleasing to Him, and when He shows me that He
loves me in a special way. This strong inner conviction, by which God assures me of His
love for me and of how much my soul pleases Him, brings deep peace to my soul.
Throughout this day, I was unable to take any food; I felt gratified to the full with love.
1122 God of great mercy, who deigned to send us Your only-begotten Son as the greatest
proof of Your fathomless love and mercy, You do not reject sinners; but in Your
boundless mercy You have opened for them also Your treasures, treasures from which
they can draw abundantly, not only justification, but also all the sanctity that a soul can
attain. Father of great mercy, I desire that all hearts turn with confidence to Your infinite
mercy. No one will be justified before You if he is not accompanied by Your
unfathomable mercy. When You reveal the mystery of Your mercy to us, there will not be
enough of eternity to properly thank You for it.
1123 Oh, how sweet it is to have in the depth of one‟s soul that which the Church tells us we
must believe. When my soul is immersed in love, I solve the most intricate questions
clearly and quickly. Only love is able to cross over precipices and mountain peaks. Love,
once again, love.
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1124 (34) + 12 [May 1937]. A strange darkness sometimes invades my intellect. I am
submerged in nothingness against my will.
1125 May 20, 1937. When for a whole month I had been enjoying good health, it occurred to
me that I did not know which was more pleasing to the Lord – my serving Him in illness or
in the robust health for which I had asked Him – and I said to the Lord, “Jesus, do with me as You please,” and Jesus returned me to my previous condition.
1126 Oh, how sweet it is to live in a convent among sisters, but I must not forget that these
angels are in human bodies.
1127 On one occasion, I saw Satan hurrying about and looking for someone among the sisters,
but he could find no one. I felt an interior inspiration to command him in the Name of God
to confess to me what he was looking for among the sisters. And he confessed, though unwillingly, “I am looking for idle souls [cf. Si. 33:28; Pr.12:11].” When I commanded him
again in the Name of God to tell me to which souls in religious life he has the easiest access, he said, again unwillingly, “To lazy and idle souls.” I took note of the fact that, at
present, there were no such souls in this house. Let the toiling and tired souls rejoice.
1128 May 22, 1937. The heat is so intense today that it is difficult to bear. We are all thirsting
for rain, and still it does not come. For several days the sky has been overcast, but there
is no rain. When I looked at (35) the plants, thirsting for the rain I was moved with pity,
and I decided to say the chaplet until the Lord would send us rain. Before supper, the sky
covered over with clouds, and a heavy rain fell on the earth. I had been saying this
prayer without interruption for three hours. And the Lord let me know that everything can
be obtained by means of this prayer.
[May] 23. The Feast of the Most Holy Trinity.
1129 During Holy Mass, I found myself suddenly united with the Most Holy Trinity. I recognized
His majesty and greatness. I was united to the Three Persons. And once I was united to
One of these Most Venerable Persons, I was, at the same time, united to the other Two
Persons. The joy and happiness that my soul felt is beyond description. It grieves me
that I am unable to put down in words that which has no words. 1130 I heard these words: Tell the Superior General to count on you as the most faithful daughter in the Order.195
1131 After these words, I received an inner understanding of what all created things are before
God. Immense and incomprehensible is His majesty. And that He condescends toward us, is the abyss of His mercy……
