851 December 28, [1936]. Today I have started a novena to The Divine Mercy. That is, I place myself in spirit before the image and recite the chaplet which the Lord has taught me. On the second day of the novena, I saw the image, as it were, come alive, adorned with numberless votive lamps, and I saw great crowds of people coming there, and many of them were filled with happiness. O Jesus, with what great joy did my heart beat! I am making the novena for the intention of two people; namely, the Archbishop [Jalbrzykowski] and Father Sopocko. I am earnestly asking the Lord to inspire the Archbishop to approve the chaplet, which is so pleasing to God, and also the image, and that he may not put off or delay this work……..
852 (232) Today the Lord‟s gaze shot through me suddenly, like lightning. At once, I came to know the tiniest specks in my soul, and knowing the depths of my misery, I fell to my knees and begged the Lord‟s pardon, and with great trust I immersed myself in His infinite mercy. Such knowledge does not depress me nor keep me away from the Lord, but rather it arouses in my soul greater love and boundless trust. The repentance of my heart is linked to love. These extraordinary flashes from the Lord educate my soul. O sweet rays of God, enlighten me to the most secret depth, for I want to arrive at the greatest possible purity of heart and soul.
853 In the evening, a great longing took possession of my soul. I took the pamphlet with the Image of the Merciful Jesus on it and pressed it to my heart, and the following words burst forth from my soul: “Jesus, Eternal Love, I live for You, I die for You, and I want to become united with You.” Suddenly, I saw the Lord in His inexpressible beauty. He looked at me graciously and said, (233) My daughter, I too came down from heaven out of love for you; I lived for you, I died for you, and I created the heavens for you. And Jesus pressed me to His Heart and said to me, Very soon now; be at peace, My daughter. When I was alone, my soul was set afire with the desire to suffer until the moment when the Lord would say, “Enough.” And even if I were to live for thousands of years, I see in the light of God that that is but one moment. Souls….[unfinished thought].
854 December 29, [1936]. Today after Holy Communion, I heard a voice in my soul: My
daughter, stand ready, for I will come unexpectedly. Jesus, You do not want to tell me the hour I am looking forward to with such longing? My daughter, it is for your
own good. You will learn it, but not now; keep watch. O Jesus, do with me as You please. I know You are the merciful Savior and You will not change towards me at the hour of my death. If at this time, you are showing me so much special love, and are condescending to unite Yourself with me in such an intimate way and with such great kindness, I expect even (234) more at the hour of my death. You, my Lord-God, cannot change. You are always the same. Heaven can change, as well as everything that is created; but You, Lord, are ever the same and will endure forever. So come as You like and when You like. Father of infinite mercy, I, Your child, wait longingly for Your coming. O Jesus, You said in the Holy Gospel, “Out of your mouth do I judge 215 you.” Well, Jesus, I am always speaking of Your inconceivable mercy, so I trust that You will judge me according to Your unfathomable mercy.
855 December 30, 1936. The year is coming to an end. I took today as the day of the monthly retreat. My spirit engrossed itself in the benefits that God has lavished on me throughout this whole year. My soul trembled at the sight of this immensity of God‟s graces. From my soul there burst forth a hymn of thanksgiving to the Lord. For a whole hour, I remained steeped in adoration and thanksgiving, contemplating, one by one, the benefits I had received from God and also my own minor shortcomings. (235) All that this year contained has gone into the abyss of eternity. Nothing is lost. I am glad that nothing gets lost. December 39, [1936]. One-day retreat
856 During the morning meditation, I felt an aversion and a repugnance for all created things. Everything pales before my eyes; my spirit is detached from all things. I desire only God Himself, and yet I must live. This is a martyrdom beyond description. God imparts Himself to the soul in a loving way and draws it into the infinite depths of his divinity, but at the same time He leaves it here on earth for the sole purpose that it might suffer and die of longing for Him. And this strong love is so pure that god Himself finds pleasure in it; and self-love has no access to its deeds, for here everything is totally saturated with bitterness, and thus is totally pure. Life is a continuous dying, painful and terrible, and at the same time it is the depth of true life and of inconceivable happiness and the strength of the soul; and because of this, [the soul] is capable of great deeds for the sake of God.
857 (236) + In the evening, I prayed for a few hours, first for my parents and relatives, for Mother General and for the whole Congregation, for our students, and for three priests [probably Archbishop Jalbrzykowski, Father Sopocko, and Father Andrasz] to whom I owe very much. I ran the length and breadth of the whole world and thanked the unfathomable mercy of God for all the graces granted to people, and I begged pardon for everything by which they have offended Him.
858 During Vespers, I saw the Lord Jesus, who looked sweetly and profoundly into my soul. My daughter, have patience; it won‟t be long now. That profound look and those words filled my soul with strength and power, courage and extraordinary trust that I would carry out everything He was demanding of me, despite such tremendous difficulties, and [filled me with] a special conviction that the Lord is with me and that with Him I can do all things. All the powers on earth and in hell are as nothing to me. Everything must fall before the power of His Name. I entrust everything into Your hands, O my Lord and God. Sole Commander of my soul, direct me according to Your eternal desires. + 859 (237) J.M.J. Cracow, Pradnik, January 1, 1937. Jesus, I trust in You. + Today, at midnight, I big good-bye to the old year 1936, and welcomed the year 1937. It was with fear and trembling that, in this first hour of the year, I faced this new period of time. Merciful Jesus, with You I go boldly and courageously into conflicts and battles. In 216 your Name, I will accomplish everything and overcome everything. My God, Infinite Goodness, I beg of You, let Your infinite mercy accompany me always and in all things. As I enter this year, fear of life overwhelms me, but Jesus brings me out of this fear and lets me know what great glory this work of mercy will bring Him. 860 There are times in life when the soul finds comfort only in profound prayer. Would that souls knew how to persevere in prayer at such times. This is very important. + (238) J.M.J. Jesus, I trust in You. + Resolutions for the year 1937, day 1, month 1. 861 Particular examen: remains the same; namely, to unite myself with the Merciful Christ (that is; what would Christ do in such and such a case?) and, in spirit, to embrace the whole world, especially Russia and Spain. General resolutions. I. Strict observance of silence – interior silence. II. To see the image of God in every sister; all love of neighbor must flow from this motive. III. To do the will of God faithfully at every moment of my life and to live this. IV. To give a faithful account of everything to the spiritual director and not to undertake anything of importance without a clear understanding with him. I shall try to clearly lay bare to him the most secret depths of my soul, bearing in mind (239) that I am dealing with God Himself, and that His representative is just a human being, and so I must pray daily that he be given light. V. During the evening examination of conscience, I am to ask myself the question: What if He were to call me today? VI. Not to look for God for away, but within my own being to abide with Him alone. VII. In sufferings and torments, to take refuge in the tabernacle and to be silent. VIII. To join all sufferings, prayers, works and mortifications to the merits of Jesus in order to obtain mercy for the world. IX. To use free moments, however short, for prayers for the dying. X. There must not be a day in my life when I do not recommend to the Lord the works of our Congregation. Never have regard for what others think of you [for human respect]. XI. Have no familiar relationships with anyone. Gentle firmness toward the girls, boundless patience; punish them severely but with such punishments as these: prayer and self-sacrifice. The strength that is in the emptying of myself for their sake is for (240) them a [source of] constant remorse and the softening of their obdurate hearts. XII. The presence of God is the basis of all my thoughts, words and deeds. XIII. To take advantage of all spiritual help. To always put self-love in its proper place; namely, the last. To perform my spiritual exercises as though I were doing them for the last time in my life, and in like manner to carry out all my duties. 217 862 January 2, [1937]. The Name of Jesus. Oh, how great is Your Name, O Lord! It is the strength of my soul. When my strength fails, and darkness invades my soul, Your Name is the sun whose rays give light and also warmth, and under their influence the soul becomes more beautiful and radiant, taking its splendor from Your Name. When I hear the sweetest name of Jesus, my heartbeat grows stronger, and there are times when, hearing the Name of Jesus, I fall into a swoon. My spirit eagerly strains toward Him. (241 ). 863 This is a particularly important day for me. On this day I made my first visit connected with the painting of the Image. 160 On this day, the Divine Mercy received special external honor for the first time, although it has been known for a long time, but here it was in the form that the Lord had requested. This day of the sweet Name of Jesus reminds me of many special graces. 864 January 3. The Mother Superior of the Congregation that serves this hospital visited me today, together with one of her sisters. 161 For a long while, we talked about spiritual matters. I recognized in her great ascetic, and so our conversation was pleasing to God. Today a girl came to see me. I saw that she was suffering, but not so much in body as in soul. I comforted her as much as I could, but my words of consolation were not enough. She was a poor orphan with a soul plunged in bitterness and pain. She opened her soul to me and told me everything. I understood (242) that, in this case, simple words of consolation would not be enough. I fervently interceded with the Lord for that soul and offered Him my joy so that He would give it to her and take all feeling of joy away from me. And the Lord heard my prayer: I was left only with the consolation that she had been consoled. 865 Adoration. First Sunday of the month. During adoration, I felt so strongly urged to act that I burst into tears and said to the Lord, “Jesus, do not urge me, but give this inspiration to those who You know are delaying the work.” And I heard these words: My daughter, be at peace; it will not be long now. 866 During Vespers, I heard these words: My daughter, I want to repose in your heart, because many souls have thrown Me out of their hearts today. I have experienced sorrow unto death. I tried to comfort the Lord, by offering Him my love a thousand times over. I felt, within my soul, a great disgust for sin. 867 (243) + My heart is steeped in continual bitterness, because I want to go to You, Lord, into the fullness of life. O Jesus, what a dreadful wilderness this life seems to me! There is on this earth no nourishment for either my heart or my soul. I suffer because of my longing for You, O Lord. You have left me the Sacred Host, O Lord, but it enkindles in my soul an even greater longing for You, O my Creator and Eternal God! Jesus, I yearn to become united with You. Deign to hear the sighs of Your dearly beloved. Oh, how I suffer because I am still unable to be united with You. But let it be done according to Yours wishes. 868 January 5, 1937. This evening, I saw a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] who was in need of prayer for a certain matter. I prayed fervently because the matter is very close to my heart as well. Thank You, Jesus, for this kindness. 218 869 O Jesus, have mercy! Embrace the whole world and press me to Your Heart…. O Lord, let my soul repose in the sea of Your unfathomable mercy. 870 (244) January 6, 1937. Today during Holy Mass, I was unwittingly absorbed in the infinite majesty of God. The whole immensity of God‟s love flooded my soul. At that particular moment, I became aware of how much God abases Himself for my sake. He, the Lord of lords – and what am I, miserable being that I am, that You would commune thus with me? The wonder that took hold of me after this special grace continued very vividly throughout the entire day. Taking advantage of the intimacy to which the Lord was admitting me, I interceded before Him for the whole world. At such moments I have the feeling that the whole world is depending on me. 871 + My Master, cause my heart never to expect help from anyone, but I will always strive to bring assistance, consolation and all manner of relief to others. My heart is always open to the sufferings of others; and I will not close my heart to the sufferings of others, even though because of this I have been scornfully nicknamed “dump”; that is, [because] everyone dumps (245) his pain into my heart. [To this] I answered that everyone has a place in my heart and I, in return, have a place in the Heart of Jesus. Taunts regarding the law of love will not narrow my heart. My soul is always sensitive on this point, and Jesus alone is the motive for my love of neighbor. 872 January 7. During the Holy Hour, the Lord allowed me to taste His Passion. I shared in the bitterness of the suffering that filled His soul to overflowing. Jesus gave me to understand how a soul should be faithful to prayer despite torments, dryness, and temptations; because oftentimes the realization of God‟s great plans depends mainly on such prayer. If we do not persevere in such prayer, we frustrate what the Lord wanted to do through us or within us. Let every soul remember these words: “And being in anguish, He prayed longer.” I always prolong such prayer as much as is in my power and in conformity with my duty. 873 (246) January 8. On Friday morning, as I was going to the chapel to attend Holy Mass, I suddenly saw a huge juniper tree on the pavement and in it a horrible cat who, looking angrily at me, blocked my way to the chapel. One whisper of the name of Jesus dissipated all that. I offered the whole day for dying sinners. During Holy Mass, I felt the closeness of the Lord in a special way. After Holy Communion, I turned my gaze with trust toward the Lord and told him, “Jesus, I so much desire to tell You something.” And the Lord looked at me with love and said, And what is it that you desire to tell Me? “Jesus, I beg You, by the inconceivable power of Your mercy, that all the souls who will die today escape the fire of hell, even if they have been the greatest sinners. Today is Friday, the memorial of Your bitter agony on the Cross; because Your mercy is inconceivable, the Angels will not be surprised at this.” Jesus pressed me to His Heart and said, My beloved (247) daughter, you have come to know well the depths of My Mercy. I will do what you ask, but unite yourself continually with My agonizing Heart and make reparation to My justice. Know that you have asked Me for a great thing, but I see that this was dictated by your pure love for Me; that is why I am complying with your requests. 874 Mary, Immaculate Virgin, take me under Your special protection and guard the purity of my soul, heart and body. You are the model and star of my life. 219 875 Today, I experienced a great suffering during the visit of our sisters. I learned of something that hurt me terribly, but I controlled myself so that the sisters didn‟t notice anything. For some time, the pain was tearing my heart apart, but all that is for the sake of poor sinners…… O Jesus, for poor sinners…… Jesus, my strength, stay close to me, help me…….. 876 (248) January 10, 1937. I asked the Lord today to give me strength in the morning so that I could go to receive Holy Communion. My Master, I ask You with all my thirsting heart to give me, if this is according to Your holy will, any suffering and weakness that You like – I want to suffer all day and all night – but please, I fervently beg You, strengthen me for the one moment when I am to receive Holy Communion. You see very well, Jesus, that here they do not bring Holy Communion to the sick; so, if You do not strengthen me for that moment so that I can go down to the chapel, how can I receive You in the Mystery of Love? And You know how much my heart longs for You. O my sweet Spouse, what‟s the good of all these reasonings? You know how ardently I desire You, and if you so choose You can do this for me. On the following morning, I felt as if I were perfectly well; the faintings and the weaknesses ceased. But as soon as I returned from the chapel, all the sufferings and weaknesses immediately returned, as if they had been waiting for me. But I had no fear of them (249) at all, because I had been nourished by the Bread of the Strong. I boldly look at everything; even death itself I look straight in the eye. 877 + O Jesus concealed in the Host, my sweet Master and faithful Friend, how happy my soul is to have such a Friend who always keeps me company. I do not feel lonely even though I am in isolation. Jesus-Host, we know each other – that is enough for me. 878 January 12, 1937. Today, when the doctor [Adam Silberg] making his rounds came to see me, he somehow didn‟t like the way I looked. Naturally, I was suffering more, and so my temperature had gone up considerably. Consequently, he decided I must not go down for Holy Communion until my temperature dropped to normal. I said, “All right,” although pain seized my heart; but I said I would go only if I had no fever. So he agreed to that. When the doctor left, I said to the Lord, “Jesus, now it is up to You whether I shall go or not,” and I didn't think about it anymore, although the thought kept coming to my mind: I am not (250) to have Jesus – no, that‟s impossible – and not just once but for several days, until my temperature drops. But in the evening, I said to the Lord, “Jesus, if my Communions are pleasing to You, I beg You humbly, grant that I have not one degree of fever tomorrow morning.” In the morning, as I was taking my temperature, I thought to myself, “If there is even one degree, I will not get up because that would be contrary to obedience.” But when I looked at the thermometer, there wasn‟t even one degree of fever. I jumped to my feet at once and went to Holy Communion. When the doctor came and I told him that I had had not even one degree of fever, and so had gone to Holy Communion, he was surprised. I begged him not to make it difficult for me to go to Holy Communion, for it would have an adverse effect on the treatment. The doctor answered, “For peace of conscience, and at the same time to avoid difficulties for yourself, Sister, let us make the following agreement: when the weather is fine, and it isn't raining, and you feel all right, then, Sister, please go; but you must weigh these matters in your conscience.” It made me 220 very happy that the doctor was being so considerate (251 ) for my sake. You see, Jesus, that I have already done whatever was up to me; now I am counting on You and am quite at peace. 879 I saw Father Andrasz as he was saying Holy Mass today. Before the Elevation, I saw the Infant Jesus with His hands spread out, and He was very joyous; then, after a moment, I saw nothing more. I was in my room and I continued making my thanksgiving. But later on, I thought to myself, “Why was the Infant Jesus so merry: After all, He is not always so merry when I see Him.” Then I heard these words interiorly: Because I am very much at home in his heart. And I was not at all surprised at this, because I know he loves Jesus very much. 880 My union with the dying is still as close as ever. Oh, how incomprehensible is God‟s mercy that the Lord allows me, by my unworthy prayer, to come to the aid of the dying. I try to be at the side of every dying person whenever I can. Have confidence in God, for He is good and inconceivable. His mercy surpasses our understanding.
881 (252) January 14, 1937. Today, Jesus entered my room wearing a bright robe and girded with a golden belt. His whole figure resplendent with great majesty. He said, My
daughter, why are you giving in to thoughts of fear? I answered, “O Lord, You know why.” And He said, Why? “This work frightens me. You know that I am incapable of carrying it out.” And He said, Why? “You see very well that I am not in good health, that I have no education, that I have no money, that I am an abyss of misery, that I fear contacts with people. Jesus, I desire only You. You can release me from this.” And the Lord said to me, My daughter, what you have said is true. You are very miserable, and it pleased Me to carry out this work of mercy precisely through you who are nothing but misery itself. Do not fear; I will not leave you alone. Do whatever you can in this matter; I will accomplish everything that is lacking in you. You know what is within your power to do; do that. The Lord looked into the depth of my being with great kindness; I thought I would die for joy under that gaze. The Lord disappeared, and joy, (253) strength and power to act remained in my soul. But I was surprised that the Lord did not want to release me and that he is not changing anything. He has once said. And despite all these joys, there is always a shadow of sorrow. I see that love and sorrow go hand in hand. 882 I rarely have such visions. But I more often commune with the Lord in a more profound manner. My senses sleep and, although not in a visible way, all things become more real and clearer to me than if I saw them with my eyes. My intellect learns more in one moment than during long years of thinking and meditation, both as regards the essence of God and as regards revealed truths, and also as regard the knowledge of my own misery. 883 Nothing disturbs my union with the Lord, neither conversation with others nor any duties; even if I am to go about settling very important matters, this does not disturb me. My spirit is with God, and my interior being is filled with God, so I do not look for Him (254) outside myself. He, the Lord, penetrates my soul just as a ray from the sun penetrates clear glass. When I was enclosed in my mother‟s womb, I was not so closely united with her as I am with my God. There, it was unawareness; but here, it is the fullness of reality and the consciousness of union. My visions are purely interior, but the more I understand them, the less I am able to express them in words. 221 884 Oh, how beautiful is the world of the spirit! And so real that, by comparison, the exterior life is just a vain illusion and powerlessness. 885 Jesus, give me the strength and wisdom to get through this terrible wilderness, that my heart may bear patiently this longing for You, O my Lord! I always remain in holy amazement when I sense that You are approaching me, You, the Lord of the awesome throne; that You descend to this miserable exile and visit this poor beggar who has nothing but misery! I do not know how to entertain You, my Royal Prince, but You know that I love You with every beat of my heart. I see how You lower yourself, but nevertheless our majesty does not (255) diminish in my eyes. I know that You love me with the love of a bridegroom, and that is enough for me. Although we are separated by a great chasm, for You are the Creator and I am Your creature, nevertheless, love alone explains our union. Without it, all is incomprehensible. Only love makes it possible to understand these incomprehensible intimacies with which You visit me. O Jesus, Your greatness terrifies me, and I would be in constant astonishment and fear, if You yourself did not set me at peace. You make me capable of communing with You before each approach. 886 January 15, 1937. Sorrow will not establish itself in a heart which loves the will of god. My heart, longing for God, feels the whole misery of exile. I keep going forward bravely – though my feet become wounded – to my homeland and, on the way, I nourish myself on the will of God. It is my food. Help me, happy inhabitants of the heavenly homeland, so that your sister may not falter on the way. Although the desert is fearful, I walk with lifted head and eyes fixed on the sun; that is to say, on the merciful Heart of Jesus. 887 (256) January 19, 1937. My life at present flows on in peaceful awareness of God. My silent soul lives on Him, and this conscious life of God in my soul is for me a source of happiness and strength. I do not look for happiness outside the depths of my soul in which God dwells; of this I am aware. I feel a certain need to share myself with others. I have discovered a fountain of happiness in my soul, and it is God. O my God, I see that everything that surrounds me is filled with God, and most of all my own soul, which is adorned with the grace of God. Already now, I will begin to live on that on which I shall live for all eternity. 888 Silence is so powerful a language that it reaches the throne of the living God. Silence is His language, though secret, yet living and powerful. 889 Jesus, You have given me to know and understand in what a soul‟s greatness consists: not in great deeds but in great love. Love has its worth, and it confers greatness on all our deeds. Although our actions are small and ordinary in themselves, because of love they become great and powerful before God. 890 (257) Love is a mystery that transforms everything it touches into things beautiful and pleasing to God. The love of God makes a soul free. She is like a queen; she knows no slavish compulsion; she sets about everything with great freedom of soul, because the love which dwells in her incites her to action. Everything that surrounds her makes her know that only God Himself is worthy of her love. A soul in love with God and immersed in Him approaches her duties with the same dispositions as she does Holy Communion and carries out the simplest tasks with great care, under the loving gaze of God. She is not troubled if, after some time, something turns out to be less successful. She remains 222 calm, because at the time of the action she had done what was in her power. When it happens that the living presence of God, which she enjoys almost constantly, leaves her, she then tries to continue living in lively faith. Her soul understands that there are periods of rest and periods of battle. Through her will, she is always with God. Her soul, like a knight, is well trained in battle; from afar it sees where the foe is hiding and is ready (258) for battle. She knows she is not alone – God is her strength. 891 January 21, [1937]. Since early morning today, I have been wondrously united with the Lord. In the evening, the hospital chaplain visited me. After we had talked for a while, I felt my spirit beginning to immerse itself in God, and I began to lose all sense of what was happening around me. I ardently implored Jesus, “Give me the ability to talk.” And the Lord granted that I could talk freely with him. But there was a moment when I could not understand what the priest was saying. I heard his voice, but it was impossible for me to understand him, and I apologized for not understanding him although I could hear his voice. This is a moment of the grace of union with God, but imperfect, because exteriorly the senses are acting imperfectly too. There is no total immersion in God; that is, suspension of the senses, as often happens when one neither sees nor hears anything exteriorly, the whole soul being freely absorbed in God. When such a grace visits me, I want to be alone, and I ask Jesus to (259) protect me from the eyes of creatures. I was really very embarrassed before the priest, but I was reassured, because he got to know a little of my soul in confession. 892 Today the Lord gave me to know, in spirit, about the Convent of divine Mercy. I saw a great spirit in this convent, but everything was poor and very scanty. O my Jesus, you are allowing me to live in spirit with these souls, but perhaps I shall never set foot there; but may Your Name be blessed, and whatever You have intended, may it be done. 893 January 22, [1937]. Today is Friday. My soul is in a sea of suffering. Sinners have taken everything away from me. But that is all right; I have given everything away for their sake that they might know that You are good and infinitely merciful. I shall be faithful to You, come rain or shine. 894 Today the doctor decided that I am not to go to Mass, but only to Holy Communion. I wanted very much to assist at Mass, but my confessor, 162 in agreement with the doctor, told me to obey. “It is God‟s will, Sister, that you should get (260) well, and you must not undertake mortifications of any kind. Be obedient, Sister, and God will reward you for it.” I felt that the confessor‟s words were Jesus‟ words, and although it made me sad to miss Holy Mass, during which God had been granting me the grace of seeing the Infant Jesus; nevertheless, I placed obedience above everything else. I became absorbed in prayer and said my penance. Then I suddenly saw the Lord, who said to me, My daughter, know that you give Me greater glory by a single act of
obedience than by long prayers and mortifications. Oh, how good it is to live under obedience, to live conscious of the fact that everything I do is pleasing to God! 895 January 23, [1937]. I did not feel like writing today. Then I heard a voice in my soul: My
daughter, you do not live for yourself but for souls; write for their benefit. You
know that My will as to your writing has been (261) confirmed many times by your
confessors. You know what is pleasing to Me, and if you have any doubts about
what I am saying, you also know whom you are to ask. I grant him light to 223
pronounce judgment on my case. My eye watches over him. My daughter, you are
to be like a child towards him, full of simplicity and candor. Put his judgment
above all My demands. He will guide you according to My will. If he doesn‟t allow
you to carry out My demands, be at peace; I will not judge you, but the matter will
remain between Me and him. You are to be obedient. 896 January 25, 1937. Today my soul is steeped in bitterness. O Jesus, O my Jesus, today everyone can add to my cup of bitterness. It makes no difference whether they be friend or foe, they can all inflict suffering on me. And You, O Jesus, are bound to give me strength and power in these difficult moments. O Blessed Host, support me and seal my lips against all murmuring and complaint. When I am silent, I know I shall be victorious. 897 (262) January 27, 1937. I feel considerable improvement in my health. Jesus is bringing me from the gates of death to life, because there was so little left but for me to die, and lo, the Lord grants me the fullness of life. Although I am still to remain in the sanatorium, I am almost completely well. I see that the will of god has not yet been fulfilled in me, and that is why I must live, for I know that if I fulfill everything the Lord has planned for me in this world, He will not leave me in exile any longer, for heaven is my home. But before we go to our Homeland, we must fulfill the will of God on earth; that is, trials and struggles must run their full course in us. 898 O my Jesus, You are giving me back my health and life; give me also strength for battle, because I am unable to do anything without You. Give me strength, for You can do all things. You see that I am a frail child, and what can I do: I know the full power of Your mercy, and I trust that You will give me everything your feeble child needs. 899 (263) I have desired death so much! I do not know whether I shall ever again in my life experience such great longing for God. There have been times when I fell into a swoon for Him. Oh, how ugly the earth when one knows heaven! I must do violence to myself in order to live. O will of God, you are my nourishment. 900 Oh, how drab and full of misunderstandings is this life! My patience is exercised, and after it comes experience. I understand and learn many things each day and see that I know very little, and I am constantly discovering faults in my conduct. Still, I am not discouraged by this, but thank God that He deigns to grant me His light that I may know myself.