751 And so You see, Jesus, that everything is now up to You. I am perfectly at peace, despite these great urgings. For my part, I have done everything, and it is now Your turn, my Jesus, and in this way (169) Your cause will be made apparent. I am totally in accord with Your will; do with me as You please, O Lord, but only grant me the grace of loving You more and more ardently. This is what is most precious to me. I desire nothing but You, O Love Eternal! It matters not along what paths You will lead me, paths of pain or paths of joy. I want to love You at every moment of my life. If You tell me to leave, O Jesus, in order to carry out Your will, I will leave. If you tell me to stay, I will stay. It matters not what I will suffer, in the one instance or the other. O my Jesus, if I leave, I know what I shall have to suffer and endure. I agreed to this with full awareness, and I have already accepted it by an act of the will. It does not matter what the chalice holds for me. It is enough for me to know that it has been given to me by the loving hand of God. If you tell me to turn back and stay, I will stay in spite of all the interior urgings. If You still keep them (170) in my soul and leave me in this inner agony even to the end of my life, I accept this in the full consciousness of my will and in loving submission to You, O my God. If I stay, I shall hide myself in Your mercy, my God, so deeply that no human eye will see me. Throughout my life, I want to be a thurible filled with hidden fire, and may the smoke rising up to You, O Living Host, be pleasing to You. I feel in my own heart that every little sacrifice arouses the fire of my love for You, but in such a silent and secret way that no one will detect it. 752 When I told Mother General that the Lord wanted the Congregation to say the chaplet in order to propitiate God‟s anger, Mother told me that at present she could not introduce new prayers that had not yet been approved….. “But give me the chaplet, Sister, [she said;] perhaps it can be said during an adoration. We (171 ) shall see. It would be good if Father Sopocko could publish a pamphlet with the chaplet; then it would be better and easier to recite it in the Congregation, for it is a bit difficult to do so now.” 753 The mercy of the Lord is praised by the holy souls in heaven who have themselves experienced that infinite mercy. What these souls do in heaven, I already will begin to do here on earth. I will praise God for His infinite goodness, and I will strive to bring other souls to know and glorify the inexpressible and incomprehensible mercy of God. 754 + The Lord‟s Promise: The souls that say this chaplet will be embraced by My mercy during their lifetime and especially at the hour of their death. 755 O my Jesus, teach me to open the bosom of mercy and love to everyone who asks for it. Jesus, my Commander, teach me so that all my prayers and deeds may bear the seal of Your mercy. 756 (172) November 18, 1936. Today I tried to make all my exercises before Benediction, because I was feeling more ill than usual. So I went to bed directly after Benediction. But when I entered the bedroom, I suddenly knew interiorly that I should go to the cell of S.N.145 because she was in need of help. I entered her cell at once, and S.N. said to me, “Oh, how good it is that God has brought you here, Sister!” And her voice was so faint 197 that I could hardly hear her. She said to me, “Sister, please bring me some tea with lemon, because I am terribly thirsty, and I cannot move because I am in such pain.” And truly, she was suffering very much and had a high fever. I made her more comfortable, and she was able to quench her thirst with the little bit of tea that I brought her. When I entered my own cell, my soul was engulfed by the great love of God, and I understood that we should take great heed of our interior inspirations and follow them faithfully, and that faithfulness to one grace draws down others. 757 (173) November 19, . During Mass today, I saw the Lord Jesus, who said to me, Be at peace, My daughter; I see your efforts, which are very pleasing to Me. And the Lord disappeared, and it was time for Holy Communion. After I received Holy Communion, I suddenly saw the Cenacle and in it Jesus and the Apostles. I saw the institution of the Most Blessed Sacrament. Jesus allowed me to penetrate His interior, and I came to know the greatness of His majesty and, at the same time, His great humbling of Himself. The extraordinary light that allowed me to see His majesty revealed to me, at the same time, what was in my own soul. 758 Jesus gave me to know the depth of His meekness and humility and to understand that He clearly demanded the same of me. I felt the gaze of God in my soul. This filled me with unspeakable love, but I understood that the Lord was looking with love on my virtues and my heroic efforts, and I knew that this was what was drawing God into my heart. It is from this that I have come to understand that it is not enough for me to strive only for the ordinary virtues, but that I must try to exercise (174) the heroic virtues. Although exteriorly a thing may be quite ordinary, it is the different manner [in which it is carried out] that only the eye of God catches. O my Jesus, what I have written is just a pale shadow of what I understand in my soul; these are purely spiritual things, but in order to write something of what the Lord gives me to know, I must use words with which I am totally dissatisfied, because they do not express the reality. 759 When I experienced these sufferings for the first time, it was like this: after the annual vows, 146 on a certain day, during prayer, I saw a great brilliance and, issuing from the brilliance, rays which completely enveloped me. Then suddenly, I felt a terrible pain in my hands, my feet and my side and the thorns of the crown of thorns. I experienced these sufferings during Holy Mass on Friday, but this was only for a brief moment. This was repeated for several Fridays, and later on I did not experience any sufferings up to the present time; that is, up to the end of September (175) of this year. In the course of the present illness, during Holy Mass one Friday, I felt myself pierced by the same sufferings, and this has been repeated on every Friday and sometimes when I meet a soul that is not in the state of grace. Although this is infrequent, and the suffering lasts a very short time, still it is terrible, and I would not be able to bear it without a special grace from God. There is no outward indication of these sufferings. What will come later, I do not know. All this, for the sake of souls……. 760 November 21, . Jesus, You see that I am neither gravely ill nor in good health. You fill my soul with enthusiasm for action, and I have no strength. The fire of Your love burns in me, and for what I cannot accomplish by physical strength, love will compensate. 761 Jesus, my spirit yearns for You, and I desire very much to be united with You, but Your works hold me back. The number of souls that I am to bring to You is not yet complete. I 198 desire toil and suffering; let everything You have planned (176) before the ages be fulfilled in me, O my Creator and Lord! It is only Your word that I understand; it alone gives me strength. Your Spirit, O Lord, is the Spirit of Peace; and nothing troubles my depths because You dwell there, O Lord. I know that I am under Your special gaze, O Lord. I do not examine with fear Your plans regarding me; my task is to accept everything from Your hand. I do not fear anything, although the storm is raging, and frightful bolts strike all around me, and I then feel quite alone. Yet, my heart senses You, and my trust grows, and I see all Your omnipotence which upholds me. With You, Jesus, I go through life, amid storms and rainbows, with a cry of joy, singing the song of Your mercy. I will not stop singing my song of love until the choir of Angels picks it up. There is no power than can stop me in my flight toward god. I see that even the superiors do not always understand the road along which God is leading me, and I am not surprised at this. 762 (177) Once, I saw Father Sopocko praying as he was reflecting on these matters. Then I saw how a ring of light appeared suddenly above his head. Although distance separates us, I often see him, especially as he works at his desk, despite his fatigue. 763 November 22, . Today during confession, the Lord Jesus spoke to me through the lips of a certain priest. This priest did not know my soul, and I only accused myself of my sins; yet he spoke these words to me: “Accomplish faithfully everything that Jesus asks of you, despite the difficulties. Know that, although people may be angry with you, Jesus is not angry and never will be angry with you. Pay no attention to human opinion.” This instruction surprised me at first; but I understood that the Lord was speaking through him without his realizing it. O holy mystery, what great treasures are contained in you! O holy faith, you are my guidepost! 764 (178) November 24. Today I received a letter from Father Sopocko. 147 I learned from it that God Himself is conducting this whole affair. And as the Lord has begun it, so will He continue to carry it along. And the greater the difficulties which I see, the more am I at peace. Oh, if in this whole matter the glory of God and the profit to souls were not greatly served, Satan would not be opposing it so much. But he senses what he is going to lose because of it. I have now learned that Satan hates mercy more than anything else. It is his greatest torment. Still, the word of God will not pass away; God‟s utterance is living; difficulties will not suppress the works of God, but show that they are God‟s….
765 On one occasion, I saw the convent of the new congregation. 148 As I walked about,
inspecting everything, I suddenly saw a crowd of children who seemed to be no older
than five to eleven years of age. When they saw me they surrounded me and began to
cry out, “Defend us from evil,” (179) and they led me into the chapel which was in this
convent. When I entered the chapel, I saw the distressful Lord Jesus. Jesus looked at
me graciously and said that He was gravely offended by children: You are to defend them from evil. From that moment, I have been praying for children, but I feel that
prayer alone is not enough.
766 O my Jesus, you know what efforts are needed to live sincerely and unaffectedly with
those from whom our nature flees, or with those who, deliberately or not, have made us
suffer. Humanly speaking, this is impossible. At such times more than at others, I try to
discover the Lord Jesus in such a person and for this same Jesus, I do everything for
such people. In such acts, love is pure, and such practice of love gives the soul
endurance and strength. I do not expect anything from creatures, and therefore I am not
disappointed. I know that a creature is poor of itself, (180) so what can one expect from
it? God is everything to me; I want to evaluate everything according to God‟s ways.
767 + My communion with the Lord is now purely spiritual. My soul is touched by god and
wholly absorbs itself in Him, even to the complete forgetfulness of self. Permeated by
God to its very depths, it drowns in His beauty; it completely dissolves in Him – I am at a
loss to describe this, because in writing I am making use of the senses; but there, in that
union, the senses are not active; there is a merging of God and the soul; and the life of
God to which the soul is admitted is so great that the human tongue cannot express it.
When the soul returns to its habitual form of life, it then sees that this life is all darkness
and mist and dreamlike confusion, an infant‟s swaddling clothes. In such moments the
soul only receives from God, for of itself it does nothing; it does not make even the
slightest effort; all in her is wrought by God. But when the soul returns to its ordinary
state, it sees that it is not (181 ) within its power to continue in this union.
These moments are short, but their effects are lasting. The soul cannot remain long in
this sate; or else it would be forcibly freed of the bonds of the body forever. Even as it is,
it is sustained by a miracle of God. God allows the soul to know in a clear way how much
He loves it, as though it were the only object of His delight. The soul recognizes this
clearly and without a veil, so to speak. It reaches out for God with all its might, but it feels
like a baby; it knows that this is not within its power. Therefore, God descends to the
soul and unites it to Himself in a way that…. Here, I must be silent, for I cannot describe
what the soul experiences.
768 It is a strange thing that although the soul which experiences this union with God cannot
find words and expressions to describe it, nevertheless, when it meets a similar soul, the
two understand each other extraordinarily well in regard to these matters, even though
they speak but little with each other. A soul united with God in this way easily recognizes
a similar soul, even if (182) the latter has not revealed its interior [life] to it, but merely
speaks in an ordinary way. It is a kind of spiritual kinship. Souls united with God in this
way are few, fewer than we think.
769 I have noticed that the Lord grants this grace to souls for two purposes. The first is when
the soul is to do some great work which is, humanly speaking, absolutely beyond its
power. In the second case, I have noticed that the Lord grants it in order that kindred
souls might be guided and set at peace, although the Lord can grant this grace as He
pleases and to whomever He pleases. However, I have noticed this grace in three
priests, one of whom is a secular priest [probably Father Sopocko] and the other two,
religious priests [probably Father Elter and Father Andrasz], and also in two religious
sisters [probably Mother Michael and Sister Mary Joseph], but not in the same degree.
770 As for myself, I received this grace for the first time, and that for only a brief moment, in
the eighteenth149 year of my life, within the octave of Corpus Christi [June 18-25, 1925],
during Vespers, when I made to the Lord Jesus the vow of perpetual chastity. (183) I
was still living in the world, but I entered the convent soon afterwards. The grace lasted
for a very brief moment, but its power was great. After this grace, there was a long
interval. It is true that I received many graces from the Lord during this interval, but they
were of a different order. It was a time of trials and purification. The trials were so
painful that my soul felt as though it was being totally abandoned by God and it was
steeped in profound darkness. I became aware and understood that no one would be
able to bring me out of those torments or even understand me.
There were two occasions when my soul was plunged into despair, once for half an hour,
and the second time for three quarters of an hour. Just as I cannot describe the
greatness of the graces, so too with these ordeals sent by the Lord; whatever words I
might use, they are only a pale shadow [of the reality]. However, just as the Lord
plunged me into these torments, so too He brought me out of them. Only this lasted for a
few years, after which I again received this extraordinary grace of union (