351 (147) O my God, how sweet it is to suffer for You, suffer in the most secret recesses of the heart, in the greatest hiddenness, to burn like a sacrifice noticed by no one, pure as crystal, with no consolation or compassion. My spirit burns in active love. I waste no time in dreaming. I take every moment singly as it comes, for this is within my power. The past does not belong to me; the future is not mine; with all my soul I try to make use of the present moment. January 4, 1935. The first chapter 82 of Mother Borgia. 83 352 At the chapter, Mother [Borgia] stressed a life of faith and fidelity in small things. Half way through the chapter, I heard these words: I desire that you would all have more faith at the present time. How great is My joy at the faithfulness of My spouse in the smallest things. Then I looked at the crucifix and saw that Jesus‟ head was turned towards the refectory, and His lips were moving. When I told Mother Superior about it, she answered, “You see, Sister, how Jesus demands that our life be a life of faith.” 353 When Mother left for the chapel and I stayed to set the room in order, I heard these words: Tell all the sisters that I demand that they live in the spirit of faith towards 110 the superiors at this present time. I begged my confessor to release me from this duty. 354 As I was talking to a certain person 84 who was to paint the image but, for certain reasons, was not painting it, I heard this voice in my soul: I want her to be more obedient. I understood that our efforts, no matter how great, are not pleasing to god if they do not bear the seal of obedience; I am speaking about a religious soul. O God, how easy it is to know Your will in the convent! We religious have God‟s will set clearly before our eyes from morning till night, and in moments of uncertainty we have our superiors through whom God speaks. 355 (148) 1934-1935. New Year‟s Eve. I was given permission not to go to sleep, but rather pray in the chapel. One of the sisters had asked me to offer an hour of adoration for her. I said yes, and prayed for her for an hour. During the hour, God gave me to understand how very pleasing this soul was to Him. I offered the second hour of adoration for the conversion of sinners, and I tried especially to offer expiation to God for the insults that were being committed against Him at this present moment. How greatly God is being offended! I offered the third hour for my spiritual director. I fervently prayed for a light for him in a particular matter. Finally, the clock struck twelve, the last hour of the year. I finished it in the name of the Holy Trinity, and I also started the first hour of the New Year in the Name of the Holy Trinity. I asked each of the Three Persons to bless me and, with great confidence, looked toward the New Year which certainly would not be sparing of suffering. 356 O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the testament of God‟s mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the Body and Blood of the Lord Jesus as proof of infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained life eternal and of infinite mercy, dispensed in abundance to us and especially to poor sinners. O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the mercy of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit toward us, and especially toward poor sinners.
(149) O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the infinite price of mercy which will
compensate for all our debts, and especially those of poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fountain of living water which springs from
infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the fire of purest love which blazes forth from
the bosom of the Eternal Father, as from an abyss of infinite mercy for us, and
especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the medicine for all our infirmities, flowing from
infinite mercy, as from a fount, for us and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom is contained the union between God and us through His
infinite mercy for us, and especially for poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, in whom are contained all the sentiments of the most sweet Heart of
Jesus toward us, and especially poor sinners.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in all the sufferings and adversities of life.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of darkness and of storms within and
O Blessed Host, our only hope in life and at the hour of our death.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of adversities and floods of despair.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of falsehood and treason.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the darkness and godlessness which
inundate the earth.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the longing and pain in which no one will understand
(150) O Blessed Host, our only hope in the toil and monotony of everyday life.
O Blessed Host, our only hope amid the ruin of our hopes and endeavors.
O Blessed Host, our only hope in the midst of the ravages of the enemy and the
efforts of hell.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You w3hen the burdens are beyond my strength and I find
my efforts are fruitless.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when storms toss my heart about and my fearful spirit
tends to despair.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my heart is about to tremble and mortal sweat
moistens my brow.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when everything conspires against me and black
despair creeps into my soul.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my eyes will begin to grow dim to all temporal
things and, for the first time, my spirit will behold the unknown worlds.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my tasks will be beyond my strength and
adversity will become my daily lot.
O Blessed Host I trust in You when the practice of virtue will appear difficult for me
and my nature will grow rebellious.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when hostile blows will be aimed against me.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when my toils and efforts will be misjudged by others.
O Blessed Host, I trust in You when Your judgments will resound over me; it is then
that I will trust in the sea of Your mercy.
357 +Most Holy Trinity, I trust in Your infinite mercy. God is my Father and so I, His child,
have every claim to His divine Heart; and the greater the darkness, the more complete
our trust should be.
358 I do not understand how it is possible not to trust in Him who can do all things. With
Him, everyhing; without Him, nothing. He is Lord. He will not allow those who have
placed all their trust in Him to be put to shame.
359 (151) January 10, 1935. +Thursday. In the evening during benediction,85 such
thoughts as these began to distress me: Is not perhaps all this that I am saying about
God‟s great mercy just a lie or an illusion…..? And I wanted to think about this for a
while, when I heard a strong and clear inner voice saying, Everything that you say about My goodness is true; language has no adequate expression to extol My goodness. These words were so filled with power and so clear that I would give my
life in declaring they came from god. I can tell this by the profound peace that
accompanied them at that time and that still remains with me. This peace gives me
such great strength and power that all difficulties, adversities, sufferings, and death
itself are as nothing. This light gave me a glimpse of the truth that all my efforts to
bring souls to know the mercy of the Lord are very pleasing to God. And from this
springs such great joy in my soul that I do not know whether it could be any grater in
heaven. Oh, if souls would only be willing to listen, at least a little, to the voice of
conscience and the voice – that is, the inspirations – of the Holy Spirit! I say “at least
a little,” because once we open ourselves to the influence of the Holy Spirit, He
Himself will fulfill what is lacking in us.
+New Year 1935
360 Jesus likes to intervene in the smallest details of our life, and He often fulfills secret
wishes of mine that I sometimes hide from Him, although I know that from Him nothing
can be hidden.
There is a custom among us of drawing by lot, on New Year‟s Day, special Patrons for
ourselves for the whole year. In the morning during meditation, there arose within me
a secret desire that the Eucharistic Jesus be my special Patron for this year also, as in
the past. But, hiding this desire from my Beloved, I spoke to Him about everything
else but that. When we came to refectory for breakfast, we blessed ourselves and
began drawing our patrons. When I approached the holy cards on which the names of
the patrons were written, without hesitation I took one, but I didn‟t read the name
immediately (152) as I wanted to mortify myself for a few minutes. Suddenly, I heard
a voice in my soul: I am your patron. Read. I looked at once at the inscription and
read, “Patron for the Year 1935 – the Most Blessed Eucharist.” My heart leapt with
joy, and I slipped quietly away from the sisters and went for a short visit before the
Blessed Sacrament, where I poured out my heart. But Jesus sweetly admonished me
that I should be, at that moment, together with the sisters. I went immediately in
obedience to the rule.
Holy Trinity, One God,
361 incomprehensible in the greatness of Your mercy for creatures, and especially for poor
sinners, You have made known the abyss of Yours mercy, incomprehensible and
unfathomable [as it is] to any mind, whether of man or angel. Our nothingness and
our misery are drowned in Your greatness. O infinite goodness, who can ever praise
You sufficiently? Can there be found a soul that understand You in Your love? O
Jesus, there are such souls, but they are few.
362 +One day, during the morning meditation, I heard this voice: I Myself am your Director; I was, I am, and I will be. And since you asked for visible help, I chose and gave you a director even before you had asked, for My work required this. Know that the faults you commit against him wound My Heart. Be especially on your guard against self-willfulness; even the smallest thing should bear the seal of obedience.
With a crushed and humbled heart, I begged forgiveness of Jesus for these faults. I
also begged pardon of my spiritual director and resolved to do nothing rather than to
do many things wrongly.
363 O good Jesus, thank You for the great grace of making known to me what I am of
myself: misery and sin, and nothing more. I can do only one thing of myself, and that
is to offend You, O my God, because misery can do no more of itself than offend You,
O infinite Goodness!
364 (153) +Once I was asked to pray for a certain soul. I decided at once to make a
novena to the Merciful Lord to which I added a mortification; namely, that I would wear
chains 86 on both legs throughout Holy Mass. I had been doing this already for three
days when I went to confession and told my spiritual director that I had undertaken this
mortification, presuming permission to do so. I had thought he would not object, but I
heard the contrary; that is, that I should do nothing without permission. O my Jesus,
so it was willfulness again! But my falls do not discourage me; I know very well that I
am misery [itself]. It was because of the condition of my health that I did not receive
this permission, and my spiritual director was surprised that I had been allowing
myself greater mortifications without his permission. I asked pardon for my self-willfulness, or rather for having presumed permission, and I asked him to change this
mortification for another one.
365 My spiritual director replaced it with an interior mortification; namely, throughout Holy
Mass I was to meditate on why the Lord Jesus had submitted to being baptized. The
meditation was no mortifications for me, for thinking about God is a delight and not
mortification; but there was a mortification of the will in that I was not doing [simply]
what I like, but what I was told to do, and it is in this that interior mortification consists.
When I left the confessional and started to recite my penance, I heard these words: I have granted the grace you asked for on behalf of that soul, but not because of the mortification you chose for yourself, but because of the act of complete obedience to My representative did I grant grace to that soul for whom you interceded and begged mercy. Know that when you mortify your own self-will, then Mine reigns within you.
366 O my Jesus, be patient with me. I will be more careful in the future. I will rely, not
upon myself, but upon Your grace and Your very great goodness to miserable me.
367 (154) +On one occasion, Jesus gave me to know that when I pray for intentions which
people are wont to entrust to me, He is always ready to grant His graces, but souls do
not always want to accept them: My Heart overflows with great mercy for souls, and especially for poor sinners. If only they could understand that I am the best of Fathers to them and that it is for them that the Blood and Water flowed from My Heart as from a fount overflowing with mercy. For them I dwell in the tabernacle as King of Mercy. I desire to bestow My graces upon souls, but they do not want to accept them. You, at least, come to Me as often as possible and take these graces they do not want to accept. In this way you will console My Heart. Oh, how indifferent are souls to so much goodness, to so many proofs of love! My Heart drinks only of the ingratitude and forgetfulness of souls living in the world. They have time for everything, but they have no time to come to Me for graces. So I turn to you, you –