1351 Jesus, my most perfect model, with my eyes fixed on You, I will go through life in Your footsteps, adapting nature to grace, according to Your most holy will and Your light which illumines my soul, trusting completely in Your help.
1354 When I hesitate on how to act in some situations, I always ask Love. It advises best.
1356 (16) Sixth day. O my God, I am ready to accept Your will in every detail, whatever it may be. However You may direct me, I will bless You. Whatever You ask of me I will do with the help of Your grace. Whatever Your holy will regarding me might be, I accept it with my whole heart and soul, taking no account of what my corrupt nature tells me.
1357 Once, when I was passing by a group of people, I asked the Lord if they were all in the state of grace, because I did not feel His sufferings. Because you do not feel My sufferings, it does not follow that they must all be in the state of grace. At times, I allow you to be aware of the condition of certain souls, and give you the grace of suffering solely because I use you as the instrument of their conversion. 1358 Where there is genuine virtue, there must be sacrifice as well; one‟s whole life must be a sacrifice. It is only by means of sacrifice that souls can become useful. It is my self sacrifice which, in my relationship with my neighbor, can give glory to God, but God‟s love must flow through this sacrifice, because everything is concentrated in this love and takes its value from it.
1359 (17) Bear in mind that when you come out of this retreat, I shall be dealing with you as with a perfect soul. I want to hold you in My hand as a pliant tool, perfectly adapted to the completion of My works. 305 1360 O Lord, You who penetrate my whole being and the most secret depths of my soul, You see that I desire You alone and long only for the fulfillment of Your holy will, paying no heed to difficulties or sufferings or humiliations or to what other might think.
1361 This firm resolution to become a saint is extremely pleasing to Me. I bless your efforts and will give you opportunities to sanctify yourself. Be watchful that you lose no opportunity that My providence offers you for sanctification. If you do not succeed in taking advantage of an opportunity, do not lose your peace, but humble yourself profoundly before Me and, with great trust, immerse yourself completely in My mercy. In this way, you gain more than you have lost, because more favor is granted to a humble soul than the soul itself asks for….. 1362 (18) +Seventh day. I have come to a knowledge of my destiny; that is, an inward certainty that I will attain sanctity. This deep conviction has filled my soul with gratitude to God, and I have given back all the glory to God, because I know very well what I am of myself. 1363 I am coming out of this retreat thoroughly transformed by God‟s love. My soul is beginning a new life, earnestly and courageously; although outwardly my life will not change, and no one will notice it, nevertheless, pure love is [now] the guide of my life and, externally, it is mercy which is its fruit. I feel that I have been totally imbued with God and, with this God, I am going back to my everyday life, so drab, tiresome and wearying, trusting that he whom I feel in my heart will change this drabness into my personal sanctity. In profound silence, close to Your merciful Heart, my soul is maturing during this retreat. In the clear rays of your love, my soul has lost its tartness (19) and has become a sweet and ripe fruit. 1364 Now I can be wholly useful to the Church by my personal sanctity, which throbs with life in the whole Church, for we all make up one organism in Jesus. That is why I endeavor to make the soil of my heart bear good fruit. Although the human eye may perhaps never see it, there will nevertheless come a day when it will become apparent that many souls have been fed and will continue to be fed with this fruit. 1365 O Eternal Love, You who enkindle a new life within me, a life of love and of mercy. Support me with Your grace, so that I may worthily answer Your call, so that what You Yourself have intended to accomplish in souls through me, might indeed be accomplished. My God, I see the radiance of eternal dawn. My whole soul bounds toward You, O Lord; nothing any longer holds me back, nothing ties me to earth. Help me, O Lord, to bear the rest of my days with patience. The sacrifice of my love burns incessantly before Your Majesty, but so silently that only Your divine eye sees it, O God, and no other creature is capable of perceiving it. 1366 (20) O my Lord, although so many things occupy me, although I have this work at heart, although I desire the triumph of the Church and the salvation of souls, although all the persecutions of Your faithful ones affect me, although the fall of each soul is painful to 306 me, yet, above and beyond all this, I still have a profound peace in my soul which neither triumphs nor desires nor adversities can disturb because, for me, You are above all dispensations, my Lord and my God. 1367 Eighth day. O my Lord, while calling to mind all Your blessings, in the presence of Your Most Sacred Heart, I have felt the need to be particularly grateful for so many graces and blessings from God. I want to plunge myself in thanksgiving before the Majesty of God and to continue in this prayer of thanksgiving for seven days and seven nights; and although I will outwardly carry out all my duties, my spirit will nonetheless stand continually before the Lord, and all my exercises will be imbued with the spirit of thanksgiving. Each evening, I will kneel for a half hour in my cell, alone with the Lord. As often as I shall awake at night, (21 ) I shall steep myself in a prayer of thanksgiving. In this way I want to repay, at least in some small way, for the immensity of God‟s blessings. 1368 However, in order to make all this more pleasing in the eyes of God and to remove the least shadow of doubt from my mind, I went to my spiritual director [Father Andrasz] and revealed these desires of my soul to him; that is to say, the desire to be steeped in such thanksgiving. I received permission for everything, except that I should not force myself to pray at night should I awaken. 1369 With what great joy I returned to the convent! And on the next day I began this great act of thanksgiving by renewing my vows. My soul became thoroughly immersed in God, and there issued from my whole being but one single flame of gratitude and thanksgiving to God. There were not many words, because God‟s blessings, like a fierce fire, consumed my soul, and all sufferings and sorrows were like wood thrown into the flames, without which the fire would go out. I called upon all heaven and earth to join me in my act of thanksgiving. 1370 (22) The retreat has come to an end, those beautiful days of communing alone with the Lord Jesus. I made this retreat in the way Jesus wanted me to make it, and as He had told me to on the first day of the retreat; that is, in the deepest peace, I meditated on God‟s blessings, I have never made a retreat like this before. My soul was more profoundly strengthened by this peace than it would have been by any tremors or emotions. In the rays of love, I saw everything as it really is. Coming out of this retreat, I feel thoroughly transformed by God‟s love. 1371 O Lord, deify my actions so that they will merit eternity; although my weakness is great, I trust in the power of Your grace, which will sustain me. 1372 My Jesus, You know that from my earliest years I have wanted to become a great saint; that is to say, I have wanted to love You with a love so great that there would be no soul who has hitherto loved You so. At first these desires of mine were kept secret, (23) and only Jesus knew of them. But today I cannot contain them within my heart; I would like to cry out to the whole world, “Love God, because He is good and great is His mercy!” 1373 O humdrum days, filled with darkness, I look upon you with a solemn and festive eye. How great and solemn is the time that gives us the chance to gather merits for eternal heaven! I understand how the saints made use of it. 307 1374 October 30, 1937. Today, during the religious ceremonies217 taking place during Mass, and the second day of thanksgiving, I saw the Lord Jesus in great beauty, and He said to me, My daughter, I have not released you from taking action. I answered, “Lord, my hand is too feeble for such work.” Yes, I know; but joined with My right hand you will accomplish everything. Nevertheless, be obedient, be obedient to the confessors. I will give them light on how to direct you. “Lord, I already wanted to begin the work in Your Name, but Father S. keeps putting it off.” Jesus answered me, know this; so do just what is within your power, but you must never withdraw your efforts. 1375 (24) November 1, 1937. After Vespers today, there was a procession to the cemetery. I could not go, because I was on duty at the gate. But that did not stop me at all from praying for the souls. As the procession was returning from the cemetery to the chapel, my soul felt the presence of many souls. I understood the great justice of God, how each one had to pay off the debt to the last cent. 1376 The Lord gave me an occasion to practice patience through a particular person with whom I have to carry out a certain task. She is slower than anyone I have ever seen. One has to arm oneself with great patience to listen to her tedious talk. 1377 November 5. This morning, five unemployed men came to the gate and insisted on being let in. When Sister N. had argued with them for quite a while and could not make them go away, she then came to the chapel (25) to find Mother [Irene], who told me to go. When I was still a good way from the gate I could hear them banging loudly. At first, I was overcome with doubt and fear, and I did not know whether to open the gate or, like Sister N., to answer them through the little window. But suddenly I heard a voice in my soul saying, Go and open the gate and talk to them as sweetly as you talk to Me. I opened the gate at once and approached the most menacing of them and began to speak to them with such sweetness and calm that they did not know what to do with themselves. And they too began to speak gently and said, “Well, it‟s too bad that the convent can‟t give us work.” And they went away peacefully. I felt clearly that Jesus, whom I had received in Holy Communion just an hour before, had worked in their hearts through me. Oh, how good it is to act under God‟s inspiration! 1378 I felt worse today, and I went to Mother Superior, intending to ask her for permission to go to bed. However, before I could ask for permission, (26) Mother Superior said to me, “Sister, you must somehow manage by yourself at the gate, because I am taking the girl to work at the cabbage, since there is no one else for the cabbage.” I said – good, and left the room. When I got to the gate, I felt unusually strong, and I was at my post all day and felt well. I experienced the power of holy obedience. 1379 November 10, [1937]. When Mother [Irene] showed me the booklet with the Chaplet, the litany and the novena, I asked her to let me look it over. As I was glancing through it, Jesus gave me to know interiorly: Already there are many souls who have been 308 drawn to My love by this image. My mercy acts in souls through this work. I learned that many souls had experienced God‟s grace. 1380 I learned that Mother Superior would have quite a heavy cross to bear, together with physical suffering, but that it would not last long.218
1381 (27) + It occurred to me to take my medicine, not by the spoonful, but just a little at a time, because it was expensive. Instantly, I heard a voice, My daughter, I do not like
such conduct. Accept with gratitude everything I give you through the superiors,
and in this way you will please Me more. 1382 + When Sister Dominic 219 died at about one o'clock in the night, she came to me and gave me to know that she was dead. I prayed fervently for her. In the morning, the sisters told me that she was no longer alive, and I replied that I knew, because she had visited me. The sister infirmarian [Sister Chrysostom] asked me to help dress her. And then when I was alone with her, the Lord gave me to know that she was still suffering in purgatory. I redoubled my prayers for her. However, despite the zeal with which I always pray for our deceased sisters, I got mixed up as regards the days, and instead of offering three days of prayer, as the rule directs us to do, by mistake I offered only two days. On the fourth day, she gave me to know that I still owed her prayers, and that she was in need of them. I immediately (28) formed the intention of offering the whole day for her, and not just that day but much more, as love of neighbor dictated to me. 1383 Because Sister Dominic, after her death, gave the appearance of looking so well, some sisters said that perhaps she was only in a coma, and one of the sisters suggested to me that we ought to go and put a mirror to her mouth to see if it would mist, because it would if she were alive. I said all right, and we did as we said, but the mirror did not mist, although it seemed to us as if it had. Nevertheless, the Lord gave me to know how much this had displeased Him, and I was severely admonished never to act against my inner convictions. I humbled myself profoundly before the Lord and asked His pardon. 1384 I see a certain priest [probably Father Sopocko] whom God loves greatly, but whom Satan hates terribly because he is leading many souls to a high degree of sanctity and has (29) regard only for God‟s glory. But I keep asking God that his patience with those who constantly oppose him might not run out. Where Satan himself can do no harm, he uses people. 1385 November 19. After Communion today, Jesus told me how much He desires to come to human hearts. I desire to unite Myself with human souls; My great delight is to
unite Myself with souls Know, My daughter, that when I come to a human heart in
Holy Communion, My hands are full of all kinds of graces which I want to give to
the soul. But souls do not even pay any attention to Me; they leave Me to Myself
and busy themselves with other things. Oh, how sad I am that souls do not
recognize Love! They treat Me as a dead object. I answered Jesus, “O Treasure of my heart, the only object of my love and entire delight of my soul, I want to adore You in my heart as You are adored on the throne of Your eternal glory. My love wants to make up to You (30) at least in part for the coldness of so great a number of souls. Jesus, behold my heart which is for You a dwelling place to which no one else has entry. You alone repose in it as in a beautiful garden. 309 1386 O my Jesus, farewell; I must go already to take up my tasks. But I will prove my love for You with sacrifice, neither neglecting nor letting any chance for practicing it slip by.” When I left the chapel, Mother Superior [Irene] said to me, “You will not go to the catechetical lecture, Sister, but will remain on duty.” Very well, Jesus; I thus had, throughout the day, very many opportunities for sacrifice. I omitted none, owing to the strength of spirit I drew from Holy Communion. 1387 There are times in life when a soul is in such a state that it does not seem to understand human speech. Everything tires it, and nothing but ardent prayer will put it as ease. In fervent prayer the soul finds relief and, even if it wanted explanation from creatures, these would only make it more restless. 1388 (31 ) + During one time of prayer, I learned how pleasing to God was the soul of Father Andrasz. He is a true child of God. It is rare that divine sonship shines forth so clearly in a soul, and this because he has a special devotion to the Mother of God. 1389 O my Jesus, although I have such very strong impulsions, I am to act on them slowly, and this only in order not to spoil Your work with my haste. O my Jesus, You give me to know Your mysteries, and You want me to transmit them to other souls. Soon now it will be possible for me to act. At the moment of apparent absolute destruction, my mission, now no longer hindered by anything, will begin. Such is the will of God in this, and it will not change; although many persons oppose it, nothing will change God‟s will. 1390 I see Father Sopocko, how his mind is busily occupied and working in God‟s cause in order to present the wishes of god to the officials of the Church. As a result of his efforts, a new (32) light will shine in the Church of God for the consolation of souls. Although for the present his soul is filled with bitterness, as though that were to be the reward for his efforts in the cause of the Lord, this will not however be the case. I see his joy, which nothing will diminish. God will grant him some of this joy already here on earth. I have never before come upon such great faithfulness to God as distinguishes this soul. 1391 During supper in the refectory today, I felt God‟s gaze in the depths of my heart. Such a vivid presence pervaded my soul that, for a while, I had no idea where I was. The sweet presence of God kept filling my soul and, at times, I could not understand what the sisters were saying to me. 1392 All the good that is in me is due to Holy Communion. I owe everything to it. I feel that this holy fire has transformed me completely. Oh, how happy I am to be a dwelling place for You, O Lord! My heart is a temple in which You dwell continually….. + (33) J. M. J. 1393 Jesus, delight of my soul, Bread of Angels, My whole being is plunged in You, And I live Your divine life as do the elect in heaven, And the reality of this life will not cease, though I be laid in the grave. 310 Jesus-Eucharist, Immortal God, Who dwell in my heart without cease, When I possess You, death itself can do me no harm, Love tells me that I will see You at life‟s end. Permeated by Your divine life, I gaze with assurance at the heavens thrown open for me, And death will shame-facedly go away, empty-handed, For Your divine life is contained within my soul. And although by Your holy will, O Lord, Death is to touch my body, I want this dissolution to come as quickly as possible, For through it I am entering eternal life. Jesus-Eucharist, life of my soul, You have raised me up to the eternal spheres, And this, by Your agony and death midst terrible tortures. (34) 26 [November 1937]. 1394 Monthly one-day retreat. In the course of this retreat, the Lord has given me the light to know His will more profoundly and to abandon myself completely to the holy will of God. This light has confirmed me in profound peace, making me understand that I should fear nothing except sin. Whatever God sends me, I accept with complete submission to His holy will. Wherever He puts me, I will try faithfully to do His holy will, as well as His wishes, to the extent of my power to do so, even if the will of God were to be as hard and difficult for me as was the will of the Heavenly Father to His Son, as He prayed in the Garden of Olives. I have come to see that if the will of the Heavenly Father was fulfilled in this way in His well-beloved Son, it will be fulfilled in us in exactly the same way: by suffering, persecution, abuse, disgrace. It is through all this that my soul becomes like unto Jesus. And the greater the sufferings, the more I see that I am becoming like Jesus. This is the surest way. If some other way were better, Jesus would have shown it to me. Sufferings in no way (35) take away my peace. On the other hand, although I enjoy profound peace, that peace does not lessen my experience of suffering. Although my face is often bowed to the ground and my tears flow profusely, at the same time my soul is filled with profound peace and happiness….. 1395 I want to hide myself in Your Most Merciful Heart as a dewdrop does in a flower blossom. Enclose me in this blossom against the frost of the world. No one can conceive the happiness which my heart enjoys in its solitude, alone with God. 1396 Today I heard a voice in my soul: Oh, if sinners knew My mercy, they would not perish in such great numbers. Tell sinful souls not to be afraid to approach Me; speak to them of My great mercy. 1397 The Lord said to me, The loss of each soul plunges Me into mortal sadness. You always console Me when you (36) pray for sinners. The prayer most pleasing to 311 Me is prayer for the conversion of sinners. Know, My daughter, that this prayer is always heard and answered. 1398 Advent is approaching. I want to prepare my heart for the coming of the Lord Jesus by silence and recollection of spirit, uniting myself with the Most Holy Mother and faithfully imitating Her virtue of silence, by which She found pleasure in the eyes of God Himself. I trust that, by Her side, I will persevere in this resolution. 1399 When I entered the chapel for a moment in the evening, I felt a terrible thorn in my head. This lasted for a short time, but the pricking was so painful that in an instant my head dropped onto the communion rail. It seemed to me that the thorn had thrust itself into my brain. But all this is nothing; it is all for the sake of souls, to obtain God‟s mercy for them. 1400 I live from one hour to the next and am not able to get along in any other way. I want to make the best possible use of the present moment, faithfully accomplishing everything that it gives me. In all things, I depend on God with unwavering trust.