My fear increased when the Lord made known to me that I was to leave this Congregation. This is the third year passing by since that time, and my soul has felt, in turns, enthusiasm and an urge to act – and then I have a lot of courage and strength – and then again, when the decisive moment to undertake the work draws near, I feel deserted by God, and because of this an extraordinary fear pervades my soul, and I see that it is not the hour intended by God to initiate the work. These are sufferings about which I don‟t even know how to write. God alone knows what I put up with, day and night. It seems to me that the worst torments of the martyrs would be easier for me to bear than what I am going through, though without the shedding of a drop of blood. But all this is for souls, for souls, Lord……
